give JD Vance a new stage name

Hillbilly Eulogy
Yuppie Kentucky
Creep Veep

Can’t Dance Vance

Mamaw's Boy

The Beard Ride No One Would Take

bring to mind that line from Black Books about "a beard with an idiot hanging from it"

Ohio Player

The Cincinnati (suburb) Kid

https://i.redd.it/pga262gbr9741.jpg

The Legend of Carpetbagger Vance

JV Dance

Dew Shbag

The Applelatchkey Kid

DJ Senator JD Lance Vance

VJ Dance, featured at your local Rainbow Lounge every Friday night

hat tip to stevie d for that one

Thiel’s Toy

Bigot Smalls

as i mentioned on the other thread, he has had THREE government names:

James David Vance (born James Donald Bowman; August 2, 1984). James Donald Bowman was born on August 2, 1984, in Middletown, Ohio, to Beverly Carol (née Vance; born 1961) and Donald Ray Bowman (1959–2023). His parents divorced when he was a toddler. Shortly afterward, Bowman was adopted by his mother's third husband, Bob Hamel, and had his name changed to James David Hamel.

all good assassin names!

VD Chance

Skeevy J Con

Vance in your pants

I've seen him referred to as Nazi Teddy Ruxpin.

Suburb Dew

DJ Bad Terminator

Vajajay Dance

Vance Vance Peed in his Pants

RichKid VD The Jaybricator

van jones on cnn just called him Quayle from Yale.

My Little Jabrony

gameboy vance

My occasional dyslexia resulted in my referring to him as VD Jance, but I like J. Danforth Vance as a nod to his fellow Ohio River-area lightweight

DP Vance

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1344902953i/2414039.jpg

Just Dew-it Vance

wow, Servant of the Wank is kinda perfect for him.

my favorite Deicide album

https://i.imgur.com/lJo1Apx.gif

hold it this is even better

https://i.imgur.com/3Gxmfgl.png

Vance looks like the most successful Chapo host

J. Diva

Ol' 64-Pack Vance

Junior Varsity Vibes

Pence Noosebeard

Neckbeard Crabs

it really is crazy to me that we've reached a point in U.S. history where the GOP nominee is Donald Trump, who was already president once, and the best VP pick he can come up with is a guy who openly admitted to having sex with furniture.

That’s a long name. Maybe you thought this was the politics thread ?

No whenever one meets him that's how he should be referred to, that's his name

lol ok!

he looks like if Haley Joel Osmond wore eyeliner

Bowman-Hamel Overdrive

it really is crazy to me that we've reached a point in U.S. history where the GOP nominee is Donald Trump, who was already president once, and the best VP pick he can come up with is a guy who openly admitted to having sex with furniture.

― omar little, Wednesday, July 24, 2024 5:32 PM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

what is the joke here?

America is the joke

the aristocouch!

https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:z233fl2onqt7wbjkolynhsi3/bafkreidcwhffkx7ssysfdqmkafm67tx3rb3mznlgndgobzr6yazux2ueci@jpeg

now how on earth would Snopes know that

Lol at Boing Boing.

You can learn in flight if sum1 cummed on a couch

The Ginger and Boots

just realized this guy is like a combination of Eric and Don Jr. wonder if they're the ones who picked him

Apparently it was Tucker Carlson who convinced him to go with Vance.

haa

yeah Trump is obviously weird as shit but there's a different way in which a lot of frontline Republicans are weird, a way which Trump I'm sure recognizes and dislikes but unfortunately he has attracted nothing but these folks

JD Vance, Vance Refrigeration

lol

JD Vance's "JD Vance did not have sex with a couch" t-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by his shirt.

From that factchecking page whose main interest was to list all the jokes, I thought Chesterfield Fornicator was pretty good

Was just watching a clip of Whoopie Goldberg taking him down for the "childless cat lady" comments he made with Tucker Carlson, and I'm thinking that, like "Tucker", "J.D." is a name that can be uttered with such scorn and derision that it doesn't really need a stand-in. It's a good name for an old punk rock banjo player from Texas, but not for a VP candidate.

Grizzle MacDrissy Bo

Sofa King Dumb

Porta-John Boy

fouchcucker

"Hey man, what you want?"

"You got sofa?"

"Sofa?"

"Sofa J.Deez nuts!"

James D Necrovancer

DJ Benbbag

Donald J. Chump

the couch thing getting more attention than a literal assassination attempt is a good example of how Trumpism can backfire

Couch with Eyeliner

JD Velvet-defiler

Roscoe Couchcum

JD GloveLove

Jizzed Divan Vance

Loveseat Larry

Dewey Chesterfield

A nod to President Keyes, I'm thinking Jizz DiVan'ce

damn you guys are hitting it out of the fucking park lol

Chaise Weirdbeard

what to do when your roommate JD Vance doesn't realize you're home and thusly is having loud sex with your couch in the living room

HT Roz in the tropes thread

lol

in the same spirit, Innocent Couch Befouler

J D-as in Dolphin-Vance

Flipper Vance

faster than lightning

Delfin Sur

Free Willy

Y tu dolphin tambien

lol!

Squeaky

Seen elsewhere: Vladimir Futon

heh

He loves his women Juicy and Dilated

https://www.calacademy.org/sites/default/files/sciencetoday/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/journal.pone_.0012299.g001.jpg

On their way to a 15 year old’s OBGYN appt pic.twitter.com/63TTCQXXsX

— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) August 7, 2024

you can tell how phony he is from a distance

Tim Heidecker finally gave it a go

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oanKBd8bpUA

as pointed out in the comments Vance and Trump have a sort of Tim/G. Amato relationship goin on

lmao

ah very interesting

Vance: The one thing I like about Donald Trump is he actually will talk to anybody... Donald Trump has spent a lot of quality time with my wife. Every time he sees her, he gives her a hug, tells her she's beautiful

Q: Trump dined with Nick Fuentes, a white supremacist, at Mar-a-Lago. He has still not disavowed Fuentes

Vance: The one thing I like about Donald Trump is he actually will talk to anybody... Donald Trump has spent a lot of quality time with my wife. Every time he sees her, he… pic.twitter.com/6XPtqTaPSE

— Kamala HQ (@KamalaHQ) August 11, 2024

"anybody, even my wife"

Vance just gave an interview where he basically accused Walz of not having affection for his own wife. The interviewer was even like, uh you sure that’s what you’re going with?

“He’s not even offered up his wife to get railed by Trump while he watches, what kind of terrible husband is he?”

Vance accused the Democratic ticket of “a little bit of projection,” contrasting how he’d hugged and kissed his own wife after his first speech as the Republican vice presidential nominee.

“Tim Walz gave his wife a nice, firm Midwestern handshake, and then tried to sort of awkwardly correct for it,” Vance said.

“I think what it is, is two people, Kamala Harris and Tim Walz, who aren’t comfortable in their own skin, because they’re uncomfortable with their policy positions for the American people,” he said. “And so they’re name-calling instead of actually telling the American people how they’re going to make their lives better. I think that’s weird, Dana, but look, they can call me whatever they want to.”

Asked whether he was suggesting the governor doesn’t have affection for his wife, Vance said Walz “acted weird, which he did, on a national stage in front of his wife.”

"i'm not weird, but whenever i see a couple hug i rate in from 1 to 10, 1 being no sex, 10 being sex every day"

"And so they’re name-calling instead of actually telling the American people how they’re going to make their lives better."

WHY ON EARTH would you say something like this if Donald Trump was your running-mate?

"The ONE thing I like..."

they genuinely have no idea how this comes off

I think they should keep complaining, the vast majority of Americans just love whining and complaining to the mods.

ominous

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GUFifMcbcAAy0S8?format=jpg&name=medium

the danger of weaponizing pictures of j.d. vance in drag. discuss!

Kinda looks like he's dressed as Kurt Cobain

TS: Megan Thee Stallion vs. Pushin' Thee Cushion

https://imageproxy.ifunny.co/crop:x-20,resize:640x,quality:90x75/images/75db2467c7393ed51404ffe4ea0ee9edd2e9734faf7e417370281e075eecd36a_1.jpg

missing the eyeliner

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_Eh9_xgJQY

https://i0.wp.com/boingboing.net/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/Chucky-Vance.jpg?fit=1&ssl=1&resize=620%2C4000

so not gonna happen

DailyMail. com has obtained a photo of JD Vance posing with three female classmates in a boys restroom during his senior year of high school in Ohio.

So weird. pic.twitter.com/whpFfDUGtV

— Republicans against Trump (@RpsAgainstTrump) August 15, 2024

maybe its just the photo but the lady in the middle there looks pretty old

"I'm a COOL mom, I let my daughters drink, I pee with them in pictures..."

yeah could be the girl on the lefts mom

AJ Soprano vibes from JD

lol otm

when i see that picture i think: couches were not the only inanimate objects he was fucking at home.

My Weird School

so not gonna happen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lK9V-NqZlRk

hes so bad at this not sure ive seen anything quite like it

I love when extremely unfunny people try to riff pic.twitter.com/8UGhBv6mT5

— c a i t l i n (@hello__caitlin) August 16, 2024

i'm obsessively searching for the joke

at least his attempted quips aren't just straight insults like Trump's

not to be Body Language Guy but that is absolutely the first time he's ever held that leash https://t.co/PRLdj5BUPM

— Erik Hane (@erikhane) August 16, 2024

"please heel"

his wife is cute. too bad she's evil.

that guy definitely never goes with that dog anywhere

He didn't even know his family had a dog until last week.

he walks that dog like Bobby Jindal approaches a camera

hes like haha maybe the police will steal this dog that i never relate to thats a normal thing to think right

looks to me like before going up the stairs, atlas shrugged

"we need a family dog, who you got re: kennels, needs to be a manly dog, we'll name him atlas after one of my favorite books, and i'll walk him like i'm literally scared of everything."

something about this particular clip pisses me off more than all of the vance stuff i've seen so far, i wonder if it does anyone else. kind of like 'be a douchebag around other douchebags, whatever, be a douchebag around a dog that you own but don't even like and you deserve death.' i'm not even a dog person, i'm a cat person.

JD is like a sentient clammy handshake

Circling back to that bathroom photo, every Millennial went to school with that guy, and that guy was the first person we knew who went nuts for online porn.

i am totally a dog person and also exactly the sort of woman he hates so when i see him prop-parading around a dog he doesn't seem to care about, i am more upset for the dog.

i hate him the same amount as always: a colossal amount.

remember, trump was like the only president who didn't have a dog.

they probably made vance buy a dog.

"one of you guys has to look normal!"

and he still fucks it up

The dog really looks as if JD told a Secret Service guy "quick, gimme your dog, I'm gonna walk it. C'mon, just for a minute."

he better not bring that dog anywhere near Trump

fucked up he has the same kind of dog as biden needs to do his own things also does his dog even repeatedly bite secret service agents he cant compete

I don't know JD Vance but I know he was a huge fan of that "Hooch" song just by looking at him

Vanz Can't Walz

I don’t think you should launch ad hominem attacks on any ethnic group but it takes a generational political anti-talent to come for the Irish at a police association https://t.co/AxmQv2Lt4C

— Leah Greenberg (@Leahgreenb) August 16, 2024

https://i.imgur.com/31kG7tP.png

someone on another site said they were bringing out the public domain racism

lol

edweird sofahands

If Vance had only said "Did anyone see the movie King of New York?", he might've won a few new fans.

https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:atcweoas53rxi5akkz5433wd/bafkreidjtarpqrfs3xjtwqrblkq5tzimb5fyigrhhahdf5qrsy26y7jfje@jpeg

lads JD Nonce is right there

Lmao

I have something the Democrats can run on: Vance looks a lot like Private Pyle in Full Metal Jacket.

https://i.postimg.cc/7Yq3thq6/vance.jpg https://i.postimg.cc/Jz2jhQZD/pyle.jpg

where's the daily Atlas photo? Come on JD, if you want people to vote for you you have to give them dog updates (is that how they think it works?)

crying laughing at the donut shop video

ok

https://www.reddit.com/r/TimAndEric/comments/1f2n608/oh_my_god_he_did_it/

fucking unreal

more digital chemtrails from this fucker

In the resurfaced clip, Vance, who was speaking at a forum held by the Center for Christian Virtue, attacks “leaders on the left” and Randi Weingarten, the president of the American Federation of Teachers, for not having children.

“So many of the leaders of the left, and I hate to be so personal about this, but they’re people without kids trying to brainwash the minds of our children, that really disorients me and disturbs me,” Vance can be heard saying in the clip.

“Randi Weingarten, who’s the head of the most powerful teachers’ union in the country, she doesn’t have a single child. If she wants to brainwash and destroy the minds of children, she should have some of her own and leave ours the hell alone.”

brainwash?!!? what a cancerous person he is

Weird

Human shitstain

“If she wants to yell at Donald Trump because he showed up, she can go to hell,” Vance said at a campaign event in Erie, Pennsylvania, where his supporters burst into chants of “USA! USA! USA!”

seems like were getting some new branding here mad vance

Shitting on teachers has been one of the least effective wingnut tactics. Up there with firefighters in terms of professions you can’t effectively defame - underpaid and necessary.

This is why I didn’t buy it that Vance had boomer energy. He’s way more of an millennial edge dork.

someone on t.v. called him Andrew Dice Vance the other day.

Sure, if he forgets how the joke started midway through

Humpty Dumpty? Yeah, I fucked him.

The Other Other-J.D.

Hickory Dickery Couch

he's had three names in his life. which is kinda "weird" for a VP pick.

...But Perfect For A Serial Killer!

Just seen: Hillbilly Vanilli.

Pretty good.

JD Vance is booed before he speaks in front of a firefighters union in Boston.

"Sounds like we got some fans and some haters. That's okay." pic.twitter.com/IOsfr8oWWJ

— The Recount (@therecount) August 29, 2024

His Tim Heidecker impression is getting better

love a public booing

Boston firefighters? yeah, that's enemy territory

Is it? (genuine question)

they did not boo tim walz yesterday. far from it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQPwjkiKJM0

he even threw out a "go twins" at the end and they didn't boo!

Haha, the hits keep coming.

All of Alexandria, VA rooting for Trump to lose (he'll lose the city anyway) because Vance lives near a park beloved by kids and dogs, and as of this week the Secret Service shut it down

— Justin Sherin (@wychstreet) August 29, 2024

JD lives in a neighborhood that is very liberal, farm-to-table, bean-to-bar type area with lots of affluent young liberals with kids. He must be petrified by all the dads-carrying-babies and young brunch crowd.

they did not boo tim walz yesterday. far from it.

Huh. I always thought the firefighter unions were just slightly less right wing police unions.

boston is a special place

reading about this boar's head facility made me think of trump, vance, AND kennedy.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/bugs-mold-mildew-inspection-boars-head-plant-listeria/

"The employee wiped a third time, and the leaks returned within 10 seconds," inspectors wrote after one condensation issue was raised on July 27, near fans that looked to be blowing the liquid onto uncovered deli meats.

In February, an inspector found "ample amounts of blood in puddles on the floor" and a "rancid smell" throughout a cooler used at the plant.

A number of records also flag sightings of insects in and around deli meats at the plant, including one instance that prompted the agency to tag more than 980 pounds of ham in a smokehouse hallway to be "retained" for an investigation.

In June, another record flagged concerns over flies going in and out of "vats of pickle" left by Boar's Head in a room.

"Small flying gnat like insects were observed crawling on the walls and flying around the room. The rooms walls had heavy meat buildup," they wrote.

Other parts of the facility were also found to have bugs, including what looked to be "ants traveling down the wall," as well as a beetle and a cockroach.

they are human listeria. or human rancid deli meats. one or the other. or maybe both.

and meanwhile dietz and watson is totally taking advantage of gross boar's head with a million ads on t.v. about how normal and homespun and safe they are. they are the harris/walz of high sodium meat.

https://i.imgur.com/K8ihbm6.png

Good to see Augustus Gloop found his way out of that pipe.

— Matthew Gracie (@InfosecGoon) August 31, 2024

good at all the normal things

When J.D. Met Marcy

Senator Vance and Rep. Kaptur both showed up to the picket line at the Toledo Assembly Complex this morning. pic.twitter.com/dc7xS0vMAq

— 13 Action News (@13abc) October 6, 2023

did she snub his attempted fist bump? he seems v eager to be done talking with marcy.

No she reached out to bump fists and he grabbed her fist for a handshake. When he realized he fucked up he put his fist out for a bump and she was already done with him.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GWh-h8ja8AAzBMz?format=jpg&name=medium

Haaa what a choad. And to go somewhere dressed like that too jfc

You’re not going to the mall bro

youre going to the assembly complex

Major Doraemon energy with the failed bump there

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/ea/d2/39/ead239ea4179141300921aa8e9662bfa.jpg

this guy is an interesting case study https://amp.tmz.com/2024/09/07/jd-vance-swimming-shirt-la-jolla-hotel

how dare u compare the beloved doraemon to that weirdo matt

JD Vance and Donald Trump pic.twitter.com/h7pV2U87rI

— Roy Drones Jr (@chiweethedog) September 9, 2024

Trumpkin Spice

mini golf

Ol' Putt-Putt

Bogey-on-the-little-lighthouse-hole

Seems possible idk

AP is trying to suppress us, stop us from sharing the truth pic.twitter.com/W8ThyIzEhU

— Spookie 👻 Winehouse (@SookieWinehouse) October 31, 2024