Aston Villa won't win the league - Premier League 2024/25

No thanks to them loddup the road!

Dom Solanke to Spurs, something presumably happened in the Charity shield nobody cares, will United and/or Chelsea stop being mediocre etc etc

Man Utd vs Fulham Friday 14th will be your opener

is this an attempt to triple jinx it

have villa really spent 150m or whatever?

first big prediction: postecoglou will be gone by november

I'm more just trying to take our turn in the spotlight of the thread title while the iron is hot

I can see us slipping back at least a bit this season tbh, but maybe Maatsen and Onana could add some energy, and maybe Buendia and Tielemans might be able to do a bit more?

I don't think anyone really knows how much we've spent, it's all obfuscated in layers of FFP voodoo, all of our fans have become amateur accountants and want Daddy Nas to sue the Premier League over their bad unfair financial restrictions alongside Man City, who have always been our good friends and not cheats that we hate or whatever

Unai Emery gone by 2025 as they hugely underperform is my hottake mushroom

This Bobb cat looks pretty good

I've been hearing about the 'rich seven' this season. Congratulations to Villa and all who sail in them

Please substitute "voodoo" above for "bullshit" or something else less dumb and bad to say in 2024 thx

Feel like we're going to sell loads of players before the window ends and end up annoyingly light at CB and CF. Our fans are also obsessed with signing Joao Felix at any cost and it's like...why?

, jaoen?

lolverpool

Utd continuing their metamorphosis into a shit Ajax tribute act with the signings of de Ligt and Mazraoui

ive no idea if de ligt is still good or even ever was at this stage, perhaps nobody is good now and its mainly about the coach and director of kegal affairs having a shared vision

also does anyone have any fairh that this is really really it for city this time

typical enough that they never even beat us into second ffs so no justice for poch

well I'm excited to see Amad get more minutes this season

New signings seem like a bit of a toss-up, but at least they weren't Antony money

Don't trust the manager or a lot of the players that are still there

here we fucking go

Have United got a striker? I'm confused

Hojlund is injured and new signing Zirkzee isn't match fit apparently

Could do with him coming on but it'll probably be McTominay

i think you should be allowed shoot a player that does what pereira did there

fatally, i mean, no fucking knees or elbows or "fir a lesson" bullshit, just save the wasted shoes and air and all and put him down

wait til ye hear how i comment on spurs players this season btw

whats the ref booked him for there then?

ref is making some clasdic calls here, nothing that will make motd just letting the away team know theyre in a game

I believe it was for waving an imaginary card

they tend to get a few of those in at the start of season and then forget about it

very weird subs, very Ten Hag

neat finish that

yeah, clever

reminds me of when i switch from pro evo to fifa and keep shooting woth ciecle tho

that wont be beat this season

i'm not one to point the finger at people who've learned nothing but ten Hag has learned nothing

Cantona nopes out, relatable.

Eric Cantona suddenly realising he had made a terrible mistake 😂😭
pic.twitter.com/ake9soozxA

— Footy Humour (@FootyHumour) August 17, 2024

i was happy to treat today as a free hit and expect our poor form against Arsenal to continue but after 5 minutes of listening to the BBC's Arsenal hype machine on the radio i hope we murder them

3 minutes in, referee is a homer cunt, gonna be a good afternoon

our shirts look disappointly yellow

just realised Doherty's started ffs GON Out

Nice recovery defending by Lemina

after watching England in the Euros i'd forgotten Rice actually comes out of his own half

our commitment to playing out from the back is enjoyable and nerve-shredding all at the same time

Gotta weather this

The Cantona thing was just an elaborate advert instead of anything good.

Gotta weather this

kiss of death but i think we've been ok so far, lotta possession conceded but mostly not where it matters

god i wish we'd sell Sa

Ugh. Nice header but allowing that free cross in was a mistake

ok fuck's sake shit defending

God I think Kai might be my favourite player in the game at the moment.

we was right to sell Pedro but we're gonna miss him like fuck as the out ball in these situations

Omg Larsen so close

Incredible save

bettah

i'm a little worried that Larsen mightn't do enough, quickly enough, but he's exactly what we need

missing Cunha tho

Toti just blowing it

I'll take 1-0?

All things considered

i think we've been 90% solid

O'Neil needs to come up with a replacement approach for no Neto, and Toti tho i love him is not gonna last in a back 4, and it would be nice to show a little more bite in the middle but i guess realistically Arsenal are quite good, but sure, all to play for

Mosquera is fire tho, marry me

Gotta imagine reinforcements are coming with that Neto money

yeah i'm a little cynical about how much of it gets spent but the scouting/buying set up seems improved, no way we spend all of the Kilman and Neto money but that won't matter if we bring in a couple of class players. i don't expect a like for like replacement for Neto, what we need is to find a different way of countering since we can't just hoof it out to the right wing any more

think we might lean into Rayan/Rodrigo Gomes more once Gomes gets established tbh

here comes Cunha

Kai Havertz get tae fuck

Looking more dangerous, is there something in it?

Shall see

Aw man Cunha just hit that one wrong

yeah it's been real nice but y'know without an end product

Goddammit. Switched off for two seconds

oh ffs just out of nothing

i need some kind of plug-in that tunes out commentators spunking over Arsenal

Well I didn't have high expectations for today but thought they played much better than expected, just Arsenal on the road is a hard test to begin a campaign.

Doesn't get much easier than Chelsea next week but Cunha had a hat trick against them last year.

yeah i don't like doing a centrist "we're ok" thing but we've looked pleasingly solid today for the most part

Cunha not fit, Bellegarde looking like he'll never step up, noobs like Larsen still finding their feet, hopefully at least one more good signing before the window closes...i've definitely seen us have shakier starts to the season

oh man Chiquinho's back :)

nice to see Rice getting a good 3 minute man on man video for his OnlyFans

Lol at that Hwang dive

i've always admired his Dirk Kuyt-esque workhorse steez but i don't think he starts in a marginally better squad tbh

can't believe he had the brass neck to call for a decision there either

Hoping that Onana might inject some physical threat for Vi-

Disastrous own goal from West Ham's Jhon Duran

holding my breath here to see you get the win against the bad and hated Hammers

enjoying how Steve Sidwell is somehow the BBC's Villa pundit

I'm not sure if their pen was soft or not, will probably come round to enh you can't Matty Cash someone like that after a few more replays

But very annoyed we didn't make it 2 or 3 first half

Our new players looking good though, and Torres and Youri looking fit n' classy

Stephen Warnock also seems to fulfil that role sometimes, despite once apparently having a meltdown in training and screaming he hated it at Villa and Birmingham's a shithole

Moyes Out

In my local pub sitting next to some exceedingly jolly Wolves fans.

That accent <3

damn straight :)

if ashley young is going to start getting reffed correctly then it really is time for the cunt to retire

with greatest fondness for our excellent villa posters and in fact the club itself, fuck matty cash and i hope awful things happen him every day

Now Ipswich are back in the Premier League… for how long… I’ll be bookmarking the Premier League thread for the first time :D

Considering we played 90% of a team we finished with last year yesterday I don’t think we did too badly, bit worried by Man City away next week though.

I hate how MOTD pundits call Alexander-Arnold Trent.

I also hate the barrage of pointless and forgettable statistics from commentators - "the fourth Dutchman to score on his Manchester United debut", I mean ffs.

There seems to be a strong consensus on the formatting. Trent and Gabriel are always first name. Jack is always first name only outside of a match and strictly Grealish during it, a pronunciation mullet. Emile Smith-Rowe never seems to go anywhere without all his names and seems a certainty to be knighted at some point

But I haven't worked out why Gabriel is pronounced differently than Gabriel Jesus and Gabriel Martinelli. Everyone does this and I'm no exception, I can't help it

Bass! How low can you go?
Smith-Rowe, what a brother know

Aint nuthin but a G thang baby
Two loced out n_s going crazy
Smith-Rowe is the label that pays me

Ok i'm done

jfc

He’s doing his best to make City winning the league more bearable…

pic.twitter.com/rVotsEspSV

— Jay Motty (@JayMotty) August 18, 2024

Are we sure that isn't Tom Cruise?

countdown to deems saying 'we dont win this'

we win this but in spite of brennan johnson who has no footballing skills or intelligence

cunts?

take that as a yes

first half very strong and actually very surprised by the quality of delivery into box

johnson, son, werner on wings, eesh

not marking back post is a really, really, really strange trait in a defence and in particular in a centre half and i guess I'll never really understand it

i think ange will be free for xmas on the beach

i completely forgot werner existed. wasn't he once the next big thing?

only under an early werning system

Seems fine

🚨🔵 Maresca: “I am not working with 42 players. I am working with 21 players”.

“The other 15-20 players are training apart. I don't see them. It's not a mess like it looks from outside. Absolutely not”.

“They can even have 20 years contract, it’s not my point. I don’t care”. pic.twitter.com/bsmgRWbIei

— Fabrizio Romano (@FabrizioRomano) August 21, 2024

yeah not insane at all. especially when you play the racist as the captain of your 21/42.

How long do we give this guy?

They'll presumably sack him about three weeks after the team first puts together a reasonable run of form

BREAKING: Jermaine Jenas has been fired by the BBC and taken off air from both Match of the Day and The One Show following complaints about "inappropriate behaviour," The Sun report. pic.twitter.com/BzUweAmYve

— That's Football! (@ThatsFootballTV) August 22, 2024

there was a

I just listened to a very enlightening (no, actually extremely pointless) interview with him in which he seemed have swallowed a lawyer

Lol deems

...cunts

Y'know, the word "lol" is overused nowadays but

Brighton probably better in the big picture but at 85 minutes I said to my mate here "somebody gets a winner but I'm not betting"

A draw would have been a fair enough result

Got very unlucky with the disallowed goal

Manager is still shite

Rio Ferdinand, very funny

Ten Hag isn't good enough has been my opinion all along, irrespective of the Glazer issues

The easiest decision of the summer was to get rid

No idea why they chickened out

I'm gonna assume "cheapskates"

Well now they've ended up spending a load of money on more of his former players so dunno if that tracks

I'm not a business guy but I always get the impression that there are profitable stupid wastes of money and the opposite

this has been an ok 4-0, not a great 4-0 but allow me a vmic in character moan that you say about pacy players than they put their skates on but you never really think about what that would do for a players first touch until you watch brennan johnson

micky van der ven leaving everyone players like f16 exhaust patterns in hiw wake on an 80 yard run is a fine sight tho

be surprised we can keep him for too long, he looks like the worlds first 200m defender to me

nb new readers im not really known for my steady fan opinions

Thanks for clarifying to us outsiders how battering Everton was good not bad like we thought

Ffs two injuries in 20 minutes, our right side's crumbled out of existence

deems may not care much for a 4-0 over everton, but matty cash limping off after fifteen minutes? time to uncork something a bit special and savour

Christ, Lee Carsley, I'm already yearning for the days of constant lingering shots of Southgate having a think in the stands

Bailey went down screaming and holding his leg after just running with the ball in possession in space, then just got treatment and played 25 more minutes without incident

I don't understand how on earth Unai Emery was the one guy on earth that looked at Morgan Rogers at Boro and figured he'd be effortlessly surging through Premier League defences of given a short run of games

Can't see us keeping Arsenal out with an enforced switch to an 18yo at full-back, but if they can keep it tight til 70 mins...maybe

Ah the consent enthusiast scores, great

Anyone got wolves v Chelsea on? High energy entertaining footy. Thanks for the instagram post Madueke, games better when the teams really hate each other

Wolves looking so up for it and dangerous on the counter that they quite simply will not score today

Luckily I'm too hungover to get a stream on

Lol. I can’t believe it’s not 3-2 to wolves already tbh. No more goals in this game would be so cruel

You should flick it on, Wolves’ attack is vicious and Chelsea’s defence is barely hanging on

It's on the radio but I'm superstitious about following us on the BBC

There it is. Don’t say i didn’t tell ya

nice

Clearly not watching us is working out for me so far

somewhat surprised VAR didn't find a way to chalk that off

Maybe we're getting cashback for last season's relentless shafting

Wasn’t the biggest fan of the tackle that led to that goal but I’ll chalk it up to my bias

Omg lol

Desperately unlucky

This has had about three matches' worth of great dribbling already

WOOOOOOOOW!!!!

Omg this game hahahaha

Bag Chelsea all you want, we are the entertainment the premier league needs. WHAT A GOAL!

illegal goal kick to set it up though maybe...?

Lmao this rules!

What was illegal about the goal kick? Didn’t see.

It really does. inevitable that as soon as it hit the 50th minute we were getting another goal

ball was still rolling

some guy on my stream just said VAR can't check restarts though

yay Larsen off the mark

2nd yellow

He absolutely HATES them

Ait-Nouri should have been off yeah

Gusto could have gone in the first half too

Madueke has been very good

Gusto felt more 50-50 to me. Wouldn’t have called it unfair if he got sent off there, though maybe a bit strict. Ait-Nouri much more cynical/clear-cut

Palmer and Madueke have basically combined for the same goal three times

Yep! The lead up has been pleasantly diverse every time tho. I have not seen Chelsea play with this kind of confidence in Lord knows how long. Early, but Maresca looking like the real thing. We’ll see how/when/if the league eventually figures them out

Crikey.

Just watched this on tape delay.

Christ. Wolves defending is a shambles rn

Maybe they were also hungover

missed this one

What’s the point in VAR if this ain’t a straight red card then 😂pic.twitter.com/UkhhbfRV8l

— The 44 ⚽️ (@The_Forty_Four) August 25, 2024

just a bit of banter really

lol that's a red card in rugby nowadays

Eriksson was coming to the end of his tenure at Manchester City while on a post-season tour to Thailand.

“One morning when I was on a sun lounger by the pool, he walked towards me with a bottle of champagne and two glasses on it,” Hamann said.

“It was still only 10 in the morning. I looked up and said, ‘Boss, what are we celebrating?’ expecting him to make the triumphant announcement he was staying.

“He turned to me and smiled that gentle smile of his and took the air of a Buddhist philosopher, as he said, ‘Life, Kaiser. We are celebrating life’.”

o7

We can confirm that Matt O'Riley has joined English Premier League side, Brighton & Hove Albion.

Everyone at #CelticFC would like to thank Matt for his vast contribution and efforts for the Club.

Best of luck and thank you, Matt 🍀

— Celtic Football Club (@CelticFC) August 26, 2024

;_;

£26 million? That'll do nicely.

good to have the adults in charge again!

EXCLUSIVE: Manchester United open talks with Chelsea over Raheem Sterling deal with Jadon Sancho potentially moving in opposite direction

✍️@mcgrathmike#TelegraphFootball | #CFC | #MUFC https://t.co/5V4SAP2VAa

— Telegraph Football (@TeleFootball) August 27, 2024

i can see that working out for all concerned

lol

Chiesa has never looked the part when I’ve seen him but what do I know? He was really highly spoken of for a while, 10m seems like a steal.

he came out of the traps like the next big thing but otherwise all i know of him is injuries

I keep forgetting we have Guedes

it's a real "lads we can't sell" fest tonight

lol yeah

feel like Gary is thinking "please don't make me put in our real players"

xxp

we've signed 2 fringe Wolves players on loan today... going up.. see youse in 2 seasons

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Guedes did something wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

more Lima's work there though

how Lima doesn't start ahead of Doherty god only knows

after last week, that might change.

though nothing more o_O than Sa giving up 6 goals on only 1.85 xG. sounds like Ramsdale deal is dead though, that they're going to settle for Crystal Palace keeper

at this time i'll take anybody who won't trigger my anxiety every time he goes up for a high ball

i see Hodge is one of the players that's gone to Huddersfield, gotta think he'll be good in League 1

I'll tell you something he seems more useful and mobile than an aging Jonathan Hogg as a reliable DM. He'll do for me!

he had a few Prem starts for us and usually looked tidy, didn't do much wrong just never established himself

that's a lovely counter

yeah nice goal by Guedes. hopefully our actual league match on Sat finds us showing up!

Which match of these five about to start is likely to be most entertaining?

Think I'll watch leicester villa

Big debut for young Lamar Bogarde for Villa, we're getting injury-hit again already

i'm not gonna argue that Wolves will be the best game but i'm pretty sure there will be goals

you'll note i'm not speculating who for

It's certainly some fixtures ripe for defensive errors

well that wasn't a difficult prediction ffs

lol and here we go, this is gonna be a ridiculous season

since he's had his little run in the team i don't think i've heard two commentators pronounce Guedes's name the same way

i don't know if we was psychic with yesterday's transfers but Joao and Mario have both had to hobble off today ffs

well that fizzled out for us but i've just seen the Bournemouth result which was exactly the jolt of laughing gas i needed

What with the Rice red & the Everton embarrassment today has been proper comedy gold

Everton have the stench of death about them

nah Dyche is a pure tease, they'll go on some grim death march round January time and escape once again

christ how will they manage to lose this

fuck me

they were lucky not to lose by more

spursy isnt even in it

marking used be a thing, i know im not imagining it, used to be you'd mark a man in the box, and i know dyche of all managers wont be going along with any fad otherwise

MOTD comms twisting the knife giving out about Pickford preserving a point for Everton

if i had a pro evo master league striker as good as haaland id get bored and sell him, those second and third goals were perfection

He takes the last one so early he's still outside the area ffs

brentford soton highlights making it look a fun game

the latters defence looks....yeah....a little short of epl season readiness

oh that sugawara goal is just the type of thing we like

enjoying villa getting the shit kicked into them

finally some common sense reffing

Veltman must just be on cloud 9 right now, basking in the glow of getting to kick fuck out the guy full force and get him sent off at the same time

im ready for spurs to sign liam delap already honestly im all in

Vicki Sparks' accent spins me out every time, what on earth is it, she sounds like the Australian kid Bart prank calls in the Simpsons

"football commentary excited"

one for the neutrals this

a half of two halves trevor

spurs flattering to deceive but i dont think anyone is deceived anymore

Imagine if Andy Hinchecliffe was your line manager

Terribly boring game this

that defender jogging back after the runner there, jesus

youll have to be more specific

good performance between the soft concessions (actual no snark)

curious to see how bergvall and bentancur do, think Madison and Bissouma have quality but are flaky and careless

im getting quite relaxed this is a real spurs team

soft as fuck, no idea in attack and we'll finish 7th

You could see the cogs turning in Kulu's head at the end there trying to figure out if Johnson would put in an even more useless final ball than he would

oh i think he knew already

one of johnsons best games for us btw

Casemiro, retire pls

the worst manager in the league by a distance

nevertheless he persists

im getting interested in ange and this outfit i cant lie #angein

altho it gives me #angina

fuck me, that was a hard watch

Poch in for USA this week afaik

darragh otm 2 weeks ago, Liam Delap's "Hold sprint and run in a straight line for 20 seconds then hold down shoot til the bar's full" stylings are simply box office

Crystal Palace...very funny?

They're going to win this now you've said that

I bought my £25 yearly membership last week!

Yet to decide what random early season fixture I go to to add a veneer of legitimacy to my constant attendance of their games against Villa

I might actually be a good omen for them tbh I think I've been to five or six Palace games in my life and never seen them lose

I did see them playing for a draw at home in a "derby" against Brighton but the joke was mostly on my wallet there

beautiful goal for Forest

they've looked great playing on the counter

It always starts with 'might as well try a different fixture too'. Dark road ahead

I was theoretically offered an overpriced Villa-Bayern CL ticket off a friend's membership, realised I'd be on holiday, then it sold out in nanoseconds anyway. A sliding doors moment you'd have to wonder

Tough sell for the price protest and all!

Ah Bayern still do that, fair play to the Bavarians

feel like a lot of fans are going to be angry at Leicester tackles this season, they are not pretty

...including Leicester fans

exhibiting the nervous energy of one for whom Stricken Everton impend

noted xp

slot out

who could possibly have foreseen this

And that tbf

Surprised that wasn't looked at closer for offside? Defender's in an awkward position having to go for it

well this is heartwarming

Everton have got a freakish third goal in them somewhere

well somebody did

Hahaha Martinez' face!

They're going to have to add ten minutes on just for the continuous replays of that, my god

lol Everton, the Washington Generals of the PL

palace keeper wtf

var wtf

Co-commentary on MOTD? Andy Townsend? wtf?

Oh they've just stuck the radio comms on because it was the 8pm kickoff

Anthony Taylor makes history issuing a record amount of yellow cards in a prem game.
Chelsea had no business winning that game sheesh

arteta the least likeable epl manager y?

Him playing ballboy from miles outside he technical area, very annoying

put exploding ankle tags on them imo

each team gets a sniper

solanke morelike slowtanke is this something

martinelli morelike im fast but not good is that anything

Second yellow if you don't collate your remaining limbs and bring them back into the technical area in good time

Solanke seemed to be having a good start but that chance before was like a 0.8 on the DCL Ponderousness Index

i think that header might be the reason we have him in tbf

bringing it back into the realms of reality

theres no reason not to slide tackle a manager who is in your way on the sidelines right?

ref is a fucking cunt tbh

Yeah love seeing timber getting a yellow for… winning the ball

youll always get a yellow for that tackle, bentancur vicario booked for absolutely nothing and timber shouldve been booked twice in the aftermath

spurs lost their way in this since arsenal went two men up

three if you count us playing johnson

the ref is a total cunt

but that vdv might be looked at as a red tbh

Ref is being a cunt though, no reason to give the second of those yellows to Spurs there. Proper anxiety inducing game where nothing has actually really happened. Shame I’m gonna miss the second half

think ye came strongly into it last twenty mins, maybe no grewt chamces but a few scenarios where the right decision wouldve left us screwed

no way this ref lets us finish with ten men so theres that

arteta the least likeable epl manager y?

by a distance yeah

We've all had this boss

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whYj9kIhZXA

romero injured and spurs forward line not contributing, everyone else booked

not looking fwd to this last half hour

I liked him as a player

As a manager it's like he tried to model himself on Pep but a tiny Phil Brown crawled into the transmogrification machine just before it was switched on

the spanish fly

spurs attack is so limp and toothless

son utterly uninvolved again. awful choice as captain tbh.

Lovely goal for Wolves there

just about to type the same thing. sucked my breath in on the stepover for a second

Andre looks a real baller already

you lucky fuckers

screamers are back baby :/

yeah wish i hadn't said that

i'll admit thru gritted teeth that was a great save by Pope

hows the spurs match going?

Never in doubt

jammy gits

Absolute robbery, tbh.

never been one for a league cup run but it did sting a bit, we should probably have tried defending in the last six minutes tbf

Not Chelsea 2nd on the table for the next couple hours

no finer Saturday ritual than trying to find a working stream before Wolves are a goal down

Martinez with the assist for Wolves

my bad, that's all Carlos

good half from the Wolves, maybe today's the day we manage two good halves. and even as i type that i see the spectre of Doherty coming on and shudder

feeble from Semedo

well there we go again

Another incredible milestone for Boring Goal Mutant

The Premier League conspiring to come up with ways to make steam come out of Arteta's ears is p funny

Really into like tactical fouling and subtle niggly dark arts shit, but also absolutely fucking terrible at getting away with it

Fairly limp stuff from Arsenal this half. Not sure they can sit this deep and get away with it.

Fergie time

They're gonna have an unbeaten season aren't they

oh there was apparently a Spurs game this aft!

oh no I was looking at the woman's results section. I thought how on earth can a Spurs game evade the attention of this thread.

This was funny though.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CP1M_FuFNRQ

Cole Palmer though.

Nice for Chelsea to have one good player

Yeah look it’s plenty of fun right now ngl

I had thoughts but anyway
.

the reffing of artetas arsenal team will be subject of documentaries in time

Ref would have to improve significantly to be a cunt

Christ the lad can shift

deems are you okay

its good isnt it

a few earlier strikes be no harm when the ball comes across

no faith we can defend effectively for the remainder

hope udogie can stay on, werner not much good without an in form pair of he and madison around him

good game

would really rather be the deserved two goals up rather than merely lucky to be ahead at this stage, after that start tbf

Beginning to think the new owners have a humiliation fetish

The manager certainly does

well he is dutch

yeah this is finishing 2-1

thats not a red and var should cancel it imo

its a trip

me being me id really like to be able to give out about how poor johnson was there but

Not really looking forward to the van Nistelrooy era tbh

its a bit soon for rooney all the same

Wonder how we'll conspire to lose to this shower next week

Half the team injured while conceding penalties against Bayern maybe

werner passing it softly to the opposition keeper will never get new

be very like spurs to walk around hands out all game now to give away a few stupid penalties

another united man off and a third goal and id start to enioy this

shitting myself tbh

weve played an unregistered player or something

How are we still this bad at defending

Collins scoring makes it worse

Oh get the FUCK IN YEAAAAA

Gary's seat getting hot

Well at least we can score them

Oh fuck this

how the fuck did i miss this first half?

Oh u didn't miss anything

Brentford, with a respectable but not otherworldly 8 goals in 6 matches, hangs 4 on Wolves in the first half.

Amazing after the goalless wilderness years that the team finds their attack again but now defends like San Marino

somehow we've made Kilman look considerably better than he is

Harry Maguire and Jonny Evans starting

3/4 of Ten Hag's summer signings on the bench

Please let this be the end

In bits at that McGrath interview on Sky ngl

we're going to be in so much trouble today jfc

I mean, you'd think so, but...

Idk we're thin on the bench in midfield with Onana and Ramsey out? We're only Barkley tweaking something away from Lamare Bogarde having to come in and shore up CM

Also I feel like every time people hype up that Maguire's about to have an all time mare he turns up and puts in an 8/10

Ten Hag doesn't believe in the whole having a midfield concept so you should be grand

feel so bad for kobbie in the middle of that whole wreck

There we go. Cursed

Ref doesn't want to book any Villa players. So this is what it is like to be the evil ones

Ross Barkley, hatchetman

Villa not holding up their end of the bargain here

Despite the ref being a complete cunt

villa, of whom im fond, are a team not afraid of hatchetery since at keast gerrard days

refs being cunts to utd feels almost like the natural order of it now, i almost have pity

well, nevertheless,

lol I knew that'd rebound. my fault sorry lads

well this has been a botched execution

Abysmal

And yet not quite bad enough

nothing lucky or dicey about spurs so far, gave up one good chance but working it behind brighton beautifully and really threatening for once

game on now, from nowhere

yep

Oof getting that cross in

nothing lucky or dicey about spurs so far, gave up one good chance but working it behind brighton beautifully and really threatening for once

― tuah dé danann (darraghmac), Sunday, 6 October 2024 16:21 (thirty-six minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

nobody else to blame

i predicted nothing

Spurs are Spursing again

nothing lucky or dicey about spurs so far, gave up one good chance but working it behind brighton beautifully and really threatening for once

― tuah dé danann (darraghmac), Sunday, 6 October 2024 16:21 (thirty-six minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Bang of Steve McMahon for the Iceland commentary from this post

so far, the man said

I'm grateful there are a couple of teams playing today who recognise it's an entertainment business

thats the title nearly gone

Paraphrasing here but Peter Drury basically thinks this result was a surprise

gotta say, the continued brilliance of danny welbeck does warm the cockles

full body wince while reading this:

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2024/oct/08/ipswich-axel-tuanzebe-layoff-after-freak-accident-while-washing-up

some great freak injuries a decade ago
I remember our old right back andrew whing pulled a hamstring eating a lasagne

wouldnt be the first fella to do that between the sheets

the old David James salad cream drop

our own Mark Fish visited and came onto the pitch before Saturday's game. he once had an incident with a glass table iirc

Lol deems

canizares with the cologne bottle in the shower, the incident that shouldve launched a fifa cluedo

Nice to have a stress free weekend innit

Just wasted time that we could be using to sack Gary O'Neil

United ruining my hypothetical "Who do you want to go down most? United/Bournemouth/Leicester" thread

i'd've put Everton in there too but they're also spoiling as expected

What an ill-disciplined rabble Arsenal have become. Doubtless we will be hearing about this relatively straightforward decision for weeks to come from the spiteful lunatic in charge

this is like listening to paint not dry

oh shit it dried

Great set piece from Bournemouth, hats off!

^the palpitating excitement of a man who can't work out if his side is actually, this time, in the title race this season

when will the woke PGMOL stop harrassing Arsenal?

P sure Villa will be turning a post-Champions League stinker in against these next week

Anyway, very funny

"2-0 to the referee" 💀💀💀

oh just fuck off

honestly just nuke the whole etihad complex at this point

hard to blame O'Neil at the moment for setting up to not get beat but this is some bleak shit

Jose fucking Sa

makes one good save that makes me think i missed him

gives Brighton a goal that reminds me why i haven't

a goal that would've been fractionally less embarrassing if he hadn't been playing the fucking clown to the Brighton forwards just before they pwned him

Went to take a dump and missed it.

Sigh. Hope Gary is updating his resume

it was vintage Jose, a miskicked clearance to their player on the halfway line

during the ad break this South African whiskey-flavoured cider looks banging tho

We finally go 2 goals up for the first time this season… then conceed 2 just before the break. Oh dear.

thistly cross does a whiskey barrel cider that i greatly enjoyed during a recent trip around Scotland nv

i cant help re football otoh

i'm doing my best to stay dry tbh at the moment darragh but watching this shower makes it hard to enjoy my mug of tea

the odds of me making it to the end of the second half without making a white russian are slimmer than the odds of Wolves winning i reckon

i think O'Neil's gone 4-2-4 here, gotta admire a man leaving with a bang

i have had white russians once in my life and whilst its difficult to say i could put all the ensuing consequences on the choice of drink rather than company, quantity and circumstances nevertheless i dont see that particular concoction ever finding its way into my willing hand ever again

especially as i make them with Baileys

has a manager ever sent a resignation letter via the medium of the formations last deployed in order, thatd be good xp oh god

on reflection starting the season with 4 at the back in a squad with no legit full backs was properly not his smartest move

playing Forbs and Sarabia on their nominally wrong sides is also a classic "too clever for my own good please put me out of my misery" signal

when i noticed this was happening was when my no cocktails resolve snapped

Hope you're still watching NV

lol been chatting with my brother, we was lolling when we went 5 up top but here we are

now speculating on how we fuck this up from here

GON saves the taxpayers' JSA bill for another week

A point!

a scrappy draw and a minimum 4 points from the next 2 home games and the narrative is all different, at least for some people. but today was more luck than judgement and it'd better to rip the plaster off than peeling it slow

also as i said to my bruv i really wanted Ipswich to stay up but here we are and i'm just looking around for any 3 teams worse than us which is harsh

Four big London home games today, seems odd scheduling.

or was it something to do with avoiding marches yesterday

Hoping for more late goal drama today

it's a categorical fact that the Prem hates London clubs so i think we can safely call this a conspiracy

if i see anything suss in the reffing ill break character and call it out here

a disappointing development

dont worry how likely could it be rly

yellow card for kulusevski after protesting a stoppage (which was a fair call)

not really enough to blame this performance on so far, really

Disappointing draws for everyone please, make me feel better

cunts

Thought there might be an upset today but in the end West Ham's superior resources just about got thwm home.

Despite 15 minutes of Fergie Time at the end.

Can someone help me a common chant I hear at most every match. I can't make out what they're saying, and I might want to use it as a sample someday. There's about 4 or 5 claps and then it sounds like "let's go all the way"

They're singing Lescott Holloway, it's just a bit of harmless 00s nostalgia

*earpiece buzzes* Ian Holloway has just been appointed Swindon manager. It's back, folks, the vibe is back

spurs are finishing tenth and im ok with that as long as nobody involved with spurs claims the aim is otherwise

Liverpool fairly under the cosh here.

Darwin's first moment of composure for Liverpool there. Great game, may the best team win/draw.

very decent game that for the neutral and indeed perhaps i should onky fucking watch as a neutral from now on

Really enjoyed that. Liverpool front three are good individuals, even Darwin, but no understanding at all compared to the glory days of Firmino/Mane/Mo.

That said I was impressed they managed to score. Strange game as not much cohesion from the dominant team even as that mantle passed back and forth.

ethihad

^ is this anything

Ten Hag out

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2024/oct/28/manchester-united-sack-erik-ten-hag

the decision to give him a contract extension in June now looking like one of the worst they've made in recent years, and that's really saying something

looks like Ruud van Nistelrooy is being lined up to be their new Solskjær

I keep hoping Man United's values will shine through and they will not simply sack a manager after a year or three of poor results, but every time I am disappointed. What has happened up there? What values are now left at Manchester United Football Club Club?

I'm hearing the ghost of Bobby Charlton is available

The decisions (or lack thereof) made by the new regime since the FA Cup win have been utterly baffling

Close to zero faith they'll get the next appointment right but I'm still delighted he's gone

Taking everything into account, worst Utd manager of my lifetime. And a pretty unlikeable man to boot

Worse than Moyes? Guess different circs.

Whoever gets the job next I think we can all agree it needs to be someone who knows the club and is well versed in its history.

I'm hoping it will be Gareth Southgate as that has the potential to be the funniest

Only if you are referring to celebrated managers like Gary Neville and Wayne Rooney xpost

Some would say Paul Scholes, has little or no managerial experience, others would say Scholeseh is a legend and it's up to him whether he is offered the job or not.

What's Steve Bruce up to these days?

Other than writing these totally original pieces of fiction that I now really want to get copies of:

In 1999, while manager of Huddersfield, he wrote a trio of novels: Striker!, Sweeper! and Defender!. The books centred on fictional football manager Steve Barnes, based on Bruce, who solved murder mysteries and thwarted terrorists. Bruce later expressed his embarrassment at the books, which have become sought-after collectables.

The sacking of a Man Utd manager is always a bittersweet moment because it carries with it the possibility that the fun may be over

Or the relative peace and quiet, depending on how you look at it

Always a worry. Tho probably will be an amusing few months of smelling their own farts again with Ruud in charge.

There is a funnier option

🚨 BREAKING:#mufc have not ruled out a formal approach for Ole Gunnar Solskjaer amid the possibility they could be restricted to managerial free agents. [Samuel Luckhurst, MEN] pic.twitter.com/7t6xGuuWr5

— UtdDistrict (@UtdDistrict) October 28, 2024

Jesus

Talking of resurrections.

Reliable is a word with several meanings

Ole might feel, no they sacked me, I need to show some dignity and not go back.

Prob not tho.

Managerial free agents also including Graham Potter iirc

poch kicking himself and missing

Sounding like it might be Amorim

Which seems like as good a shout as any

guardian saying frank. not that one. amorim would prob be the best possible candidate, hard to be sure how he'd do in england but seemed like city/liverpool etc have been interested.

with frank, even though he's obv a good coach, i would be more surprised if he did well at man u.

Villa were also in talks with Amorim in 2022 but pulled out when Emery said yes

Just last week I was idly wondering if he might soon finally get a big job in England then lose 8 out of his first 10 and end up at at war with the whole football establishment of the country

He'll probably be good though, the fucking bastard

Opening paragraph on wikipedia:

Rúben Filipe Marques Amorim (Portuguese pronunciation: [ˈʁubɛn ɐmuˈɾĩ]; born 27 January 1985) is a Portuguese professional football manager and former player who shat on City to become the manager of Premier League club Manchester United.

if i was a professional football pundit who had watched any football in the last 2 years i would be a little more cautious with my "United are back, baby" reporting

Surely by now these kind of results are as much a concern as anything else, like why does the shedding of a coach prompt such a bounce? I mean sure it happens everywhere but THIS IS MANCHESTER UNITED WE'RE TALKING ABOUT

We won 7-0 in the last round of the same competition with the old manager and it was a second-string Leicester side last night

That said, we did play with a proper midfield in this game which made a bit of a difference. Still just as likely to concede a hatful against Chelsea on the weekend though

Just ridiculous how I haven't heard any commentator acknowledge that

Well they completely fucked up getting rid of the old manager but they seem to have handled recruiting the one pretty well

It's done.

Bem-vindo ao Manchester United, Ruben Amorim 🇵🇹🤝🔴#MUFC

— Manchester United (@ManUtd) November 1, 2024

From everything I've heard, he is a very good manager. But him being competent is the least exciting possibility, so hopefully he continues in the tradition of his predecessor.

Old Trafford is where promising managerial career come to die, after all. But there will obviously be a decent bounce for the short term.

The stakes are higher given he actually is highly rated, but yes, if he fails it will be even funnier.

I was thinking this season is sort of a gimme but I'm not entirely sure - like there are almost too many games for that to be the case. Nobody will be demanding he gets into top four but it will be pretty clear if he's going to be any good by the end of the season.

Sorry for double post but like there has been a huge amount of revisionist nonsense about "Klopp was given time" in defence of ETH or whatever. The truth was Liverpool had visibility improved and completely changed tactics in Klopp's first ever match. They definitely had bumps in the road, plenty of them, but they also trounced City 4-1 fairly early on.

It was steady progression always under Klopp as it will be with most good managers nowadays.

Visibly*

Wasn't Ten Hag supposed to be a good manager?

all managers are fraudsters getting away with it to a greater or lesser extent tbh

two year contract and "head coach" title suggest they're at least trying to counteract some of the cult of the manager bollocks that's been in place since Fergie left

Wasn't Ten Hag supposed to be a good manager?

he was yeah

The problem wasn't that he turned out to be bad one. It was that the club persisted with him long after that was obviously the case

its just one of a number of roles in modern footballing structure that gets to shrug and say "its their fault" and point to the director of football

the last thing any coach is responsible for now is whether they get results using the single tactic each of them seems to be armed with from birth

nb football is shit now

Liverpool also moved away from manager to head coach after Klopp, which maybe hints at some of the tensions behind the scenes.

Not paid a ton of attention but Arsenal looked shit there tbh

The unbeaten league season is off!

Twitter has turned on Sarabia

Lmao BOURNEMOUTH? fuck

Why are we afraid to shoot omfg

SARABIA that is

Jose Sa with the most bone boneheaded decision there

re bournemouth, iraola is a great giant-slaying coach

GOALLLLLL

GOALLLLLLLLLLL

Just fire the fucker. That's 8 goals conceded in the final 15 minutes this year.

When does it end

2 more points dropped

Fucking lucky it was only 2

Terrible ref decision to disallow that last Palace goal imo

It could be worse, we could have a small fragile squad like Man City, but that's a sacking performance for O'Neil

Agree. It's time

that Henderson save is a pen

that pen not given for ipswich is a total joke also

two great goals that game tho

that pen not given for ipswich is a total joke also

We just can’t get a break this year, almost every key decision seems to go against us…

However, apart from not being able to see out games yet I’m still quite confident in the team, even though we have quite a lot of injuries we have been able to score some good goals and surely we’ll get a good run going at some point 🤞

Was Amorim to Man Utd basically non-consensual? Think I read that somewhere. Poor guy

Lot of Season Over guff floating around already in uh gameweek 10,but you've got to think 2pm is a must win for both sides involved, you just can't see either team overhauling Forest if the fall off the pace

about time the government dealt with these foreign manager trafficking gangs

I have bought Garnacho for my FPL team. In a private league with the culture wars twat from Mumford & Sons / GB News, so it's important that he doesn't let me down today.

spurs actually handing out the shitkicking here so far

Is this getting disallowed

Or is it simply a case of Spurs goalkeepers not getting enough protection...from themselves

Quite a dirty game? Watkins seemingly not getting a yellow because he's very polite

absolutely shit stuff from set piece again, so predictable so preventable

not doing anything in attack either

yeah dirty enough game glad to see the ref have a homer at ours for once tbh

Bentancur being allowed a little revenge campaign out of respect

McGinn begging to get hooked

son is playing to his form of the last year

touch is awful, decisions slow

pattern of first half repeating after the equaliser, spurs ultraviolence not actually a very effective tactic

did not anticipate this

scrappy goals but very takeable

Egh

Anyway, "he has hit that with special purity" is a completely deranged way to commentate a goal, Drury out

Sarabia offering an early mea culpa to fans

Lol this really is a battle of the worst

Overload the left side of the box, leave the right completely unmarked

Omg does VAR finally bail us out

Not watching but I said a lot of good things about var when they got disallowed

On the other hand if we win today we're stuck with GON til January at least

My god do I love Cunha. What a strike