Football fact/myth/anecdote/quote thread

For all those wee things that crop up that you need to share

e.g. Former Aston Villa chairman Doug Ellis claimed in his autobiography to have invented the bicycle kick.

http://www.associatepublisher.com/e/b/bi/bicycle_kick.htm

http://i54.tinypic.com/9ustwh.jpg

"Well, Ron's old school, I have to say that. But Jesus, he's one of the furthest men away from being a racist. He might say the odd word that makes you think 'Jesus, what's happening here?' He had this thing in training, where he'd say 'it's the coons against the rest'. But we'd just laugh about it. And the so-called coons had a good team - me, Yorkie, Dalian Atkinson, Cyrille Regis - so we were delighted. Never once would any of us have taken exception. What he said about Desailly, that's something you shouldn't be saying. But I grew up with all that. There were only about four black people in Dublin back then, and I got into so many fights when things were said in malice. If Ron had ever done that, I wouldn't have taken it from him. But I always thought he had a kind of fondness for the black lads.
"I hope that doesn't go out the wrong way."

http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/columnists/3pm/2008/09/29/graeme-souness-and-joe-kinnear-both-klingon-to-star-trek-s-troi-115875-20759655/

Becoming Newcastle boss for a short time gives Joe Kinnear one more thing in common with Graeme Souness.

Not only were the pair team-mates at Tottenham but both romanced a fan who was a wannabe actress... and grew up to be Star Trek: The Next Generation's Marina Sirtis, who played counsellor Deanna Troi.

"I'd waited long enough. I fucking hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you cunt."

"His wife can't sing and his barber can't cut hair."

the new york cosmos don't have a team but they have a new shirt that you can buy

http://a323.yahoofs.com/ymg/ept_sports_sow_experts__12/ept_sports_sow_experts-458077230-1285855869.jpg?ym.5i2DDNY3NJRo2

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article3060190.ece

No team in the history of the league, before or since, has scored six goals and lost.

"Coventry are fuck all. They've got a shit team and shit support. Hitler had the right idea when he flattened the place."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Football_War

During his time at Partick, he and two other players were approached by two teenage boys during a training session in a Glasgow Park. Despite suffering a stab wound to his hand when one of the boys brandished a Samurai sword, Charnley was able to disable his attacker with a punch.

One of the best footballers I have ever seen with my own eyes. But I think I have said this before on the Scottish football thread.

In 1999, Slaven bared his backside in Binns department store window in Middlesbrough following a bet on Century FM. He bet that if Middlesbrough beat Manchester United at Old Trafford, he would perform the dare. Middlesbrough ran out 3-2 winners, so Slaven had to go ahead with the dare, with the score painted on his cheeks

Mark Yardley and Barry Lavety are not the fattest pairing to ever play up front together.

It says myths up there, ok?

"Every ship has a captain and that's the manager" - Danny Murphy

"There is an old saying among managers that when you play against any of the top four you can have your arse felt. Well, at least we didn't have our arse felt."

- stuart pearce

Becoming Newcastle boss for a short time gives Joe Kinnear one more thing in common with Graeme Souness.

Not only were the pair team-mates at Tottenham but both romanced a fan who was a wannabe actress... and grew up to be Star Trek: The Next Generation's Marina Sirtis, who played counsellor Deanna Troi.

*Mind blown*

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castel_di_Sangro_Calcio#cite_note-10

Following this, Gravina announced the team was to sign a Nigerian player from Leicester City F.C. of the FA Premier League named Robert Ponnick. Being the first Premiership player to play in Serie B, the press crowded his debut in an exhibition match. The match was a disaster, with Ponnick showing almost no sense of understanding football and getting into a fight with one of his team-mates. At the end, it was revealed that the opposing team was an acting troupe and he was one of its members. The whole charade had been cooked up by Gravina in order to generate publicity. As might be expected, it worked, but all of the press was sharply negative.[11]

c) the story of him and Craig Burley getting off the plan in Vilnius ahead of a qualifier match against Lithuania: Burley, at the top of the 'plane steps views all before him and is dismayed, moaning "this must be the arsehole of the world". McCoist, close behind, claps an arm around Burley's sagging shoulders and says "aye, and you're just passing through."

― calumerio, Thursday, 2 December 2010 11:56 Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

:)

^this prompted a memory of another good Rangers story (that I can't quite remember in full detail but the zing's good):

The then Rangers manager John Greig was attempting to bluff his way around some issue over bonuses/wages and Gordon Smith decided to butt in with some facts and figures to show that Greig didn't have his numbers right. John Greig took him to one side and said "Stop trying to be clever son, clever people don't last very long here." To which Smith replied "Aye, and you've been here for fucking years!"

Similar Jock Stein one:

A presenter was interviewing him and Rangers manager Scott Symon before an Old Firm game.

Presenter "so, Mr Symon, what do you predict the score will be?"
SS: "1-0 to Rangers"
Presenter: "and, Mr Stein, what do you predict?"
JS: "only a fool would predict a score in an Old Firm game".

ZING!

ha

Swear to god that the night Jock Stein died my old man looked at him bellowing on the touch-line and said "he's gonna have a heart attack one of these days".

need nominations for a a poll of players upon whom commentators confer the hororific 'big' like

chrissy samba
richard dunne
emile heskey
john carew
john hartson

afaict it's a special honour awarded to players with a certain special aura of solemn clumsiness cuz it's seldom applied to dider drogba for instance

~honorific~

might also write some horrorfic about big ryan nelsen and big chrissy samba savagely killing a passing brontosaurus

just for the lulz

these all seem like 'big's:

duncan ferguson
niall quinn
jan koller
martin keown
mark viduka

basically martin o'neill's managerial career was a cover for capturing and taming these strange creatures, for reasons still unknown cuz the cia called time on the program due to cost overruns

yeah big mark viduka was a bit of an anomaly cuz apparently he is luka modric's cousin (srsly) so there's some splicing of jugoslavic playmaker dna

there's a kind of geniality to the 'big' concept too I feel. I can imagine 'Big Alex' but never 'Big Ivanovic'. 'Big Emile' is obviously the quintessence.

jan koller was actually herbivorous

4 real? Would never have imagined a Viduka/Luka link.

Carries over into other sports too I think. Frank Bruno was 'big', even though the word is kind of redundant in that game.

Ditto Andy Fordham.

yeah

some of those polynesian nfl linemen too

6'6 350lbs but generally chill and probably don't even have criminal records

nakhchivan yr omission of big chris iwelumo is disappointing altho his further justification of yr hypothesis is ideal

I think this has deeper roots in a British sense of sniping at certain kinds of received physical advantage - if a player is physically imposing or dominant, belittle this fact by calling them 'big' - perhaps it humanises their excess - to me it seems more as if it's done as a means of dismissive explication

yeah but big kevin davies is far more treasured than a thousand aaron lennons

human

all too human

...and the thing is, this only works if the player has an innate deprecation with which this explication fits snugly - you wdnt say 'big nemanja vidic' unless you were sure the dude had just won big at the bookies

yeah I am not saying the dismissive explication is a sign of apathy - it's a sort of condescending affection, the sort our nation excels at

so human that they cannot be contained

the human excess

an ingrown jouissance

are we human
or are we jancker

http://i.imgur.com/Cvmft.jpg

^^^gr8 gr8 movie

feel like big dunc is an outlier here, tho perhaps being especially psychopathic also equals a solemn clumsiness in its own way (cf bullard's defrocking of him that time)

richard dunne fits but is he actually referred to as such? havent heard

keown is not a big

ppl have been trying to make this happen with andy carroll but it's not a proper fit imo. kinda tho, but...... idk

yeah he and dunc are just thugs

no solemnity

dunc was still referred to with the same affection the herbivores got tho, is the rub

i suppose he did have the kes thing raising carrier pigeons and stuff

xp damn it missed a graved e.

talking to myself cuz i have no idea what anyone else is talking about, tbh.

Too inebriated with sickly TONIC LIQUOR, even his countrymen claim no knowledge of the dread beast trampling o'er London's foggy streets

slouching towards Soton to be born

theory; the ultimate bigs would be found in a footballing climate that rewards immensity and is undemanding of great finesse, but would not themselves be ultraviolent

dutch emigrés in the SPL would therefore be a good case study

considered initially that there's no bigness like sno bigness, then such entrylev bigs as big glen loovens and jos hooiveld, before recalling the colossal pierre van hooijdonk

however, i think the big in excelsis may be discovered in the form of the great jan vennegoor of hesselink, truly the sort of lumbering titan who would spend his days gently grazing the tops of sequoias, occasionally getting riled enough to swipe a few velociraptors into a nearby swamp

― Princess TuomTuom (nakhchivan), Monday, 6 December 2010 19:01 Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^love every word in this post.

I'd have agreed with Ailsa re Big Dan Majstorovic a while back but I feel his bigness is shrinking with each passing shitty week.

Don't think anyone mentioned Bobo Balde yet - a man so big, clumsy and heroic that he surpassed Big and had to be categorised under Bobo.

^^^fabulously otm

'no bigness like sno bigness' is going to haunt me in moments where I consider the dexterity of my own wit

thought nothing of dianbobo balde's nomme du plod originally BUT factor in a bobo vieri and we could be onto something

still displeased by nakhers' epicurean refusal to accept the legitimacy of dunc's bigness - juking the stats imo

Big Dunc is very much an outlier though. I think his bigness stems from a misguided impression that he'd be a good guy to hang about with, amiability being a character trait found in many a big. Plus he was 6'4", that's also part of bigness I feel.

idk, senses telling me dunc's outlier is too easily dismissed but i can't put a finger on it. or maybe i already did earlier, and it needs to be worked into the grand theory

spatial consideration is only a small part of the big phenom - the superb van hooijdonk was a tall, indolent man who perhaps bore the greatest resemblance to a diplodocus in football but his edge of lethal cruelty means he can lay no claim to the big mantle. (if he did i never heard it?)

Are you still talking about Duncan Ferguson? Who the hell would want to hang out with him?!

I could never consider Hooiveld or Loovens to be big. Two less commanding centre halves have surely never existed in the same team at the same time.

The king of Big is Big Mark Yardley, btw. And Big Basher Barry Lavety. Cult heroes of the SPL thread.

xpost, aye he was definitely Big Pierre up here for ages.

not sure anyone ever got the amiable end of the stick with dunc either? xp there u go.

big pierre eh! well this opens a whole new can of worms surely (although could just put it down to a big sami hyppia partisan thing i suppose.)

I dunno, I was under the impression that big dunc's basic goodguyness had unaccountably achieved traction, despite all evidence being to the contrary. Beating the shit out of burglars is I guess a net positive tbf

bobo balde is a great example

if we're considering lower leagues too, there are loads of 'cult' bigs like jon parkin who really don't look like football players at all

Barlinnie Nine, was composed by Osmo Tapio Räihälä

The name comes about by way of Barlinnie prison and Ferguson’s shirt number; nine.

Of his work, Räihälä said: “I got the idea for it when he was facing jail and had just become something of a cult figure for Everton. It takes into account the contradictions in him: he has an aggressive side but there is a lyrical undertone to him, as the fact that he keeps pigeons shows.”

Barlinnie Nine was premiered on April 20, 2005 by the Finnish Radio Symphony Orchestra, conducted by Sakari Oramo, in the Finlandia Hall, Helsinki.
On this same day Ferguson scored the only goal in a 1–0 victory over Manchester United at Goodison Park. It was the first time in ten years that Everton had beaten Manchester United in a league encounter and both matches were decided by a Ferguson goal. The significance of this was not lost on Räihälä who said: “There I was describing Duncan as a failure in Finland, and thousands of miles away at Everton he rises like a phoenix from the ashes to score against Manchester United. If there are gods of football up there, this proves they have got a most twisted sense of humour.”

I'm not awake reading that, am I

Bobo has reached almost mythical levels of bigness in his absence - despite him being a clumsy old bombscare, there's scarcely a Celtic fan who wouldn't have had him around when we had non-big defenders like Darren O'Dea and Gary Caldwell. The very concept of him steamrollering over wee SPL strikers and and just generally scaring the crap out of everyone (mostly me, tbh) was pretty much what you expect from a Big Man. I had hoped Majstorovic was going to be the same.

Johann Mjallby also other quality big man. Man looks like Dolph Lundgren, ffs, that's BIG in anyone's book.

Professional footballer Adebayo Akinfenwa, for Gillingham, earlier this season:

http://www.gillinghamfootballclub.com/javaImages/ef/6f/0,,10416~8941551,00.jpg

I don't think that's an action shot at all - I think he's lining up for some kind of egg-and-spoon race

balde fairly violent.

Gary doherty?

balde fairly violent.

Where'd you get that from? Very little Shawcrossing that I remember, tended to not bother with any head-to-head handbag shite, knew how to tackle and usually did so cleanly. Being BIG though meant that if he hit you, even fairly, you stayed hit.

His weaknesses were all to do with positional awareness and a tendency to fuck up possession under any kind of pressure - also had to be taught how to attack an aerial ball instead of standing under it.

http://gfx.dagbladet.no/labrador/147/147685/14768564/jpg/active/978x.jpg

this might be the biggest photo ever taken, capturing as it does the instant when leaden footed ungulate zat knight was sonned by the quickness of the vulpine welbeck

you imagine that after this, he shrunk his shoulders in sorrow for some seconds before letting out an almighty ululation that shook the snow from every rooftop in sunderland

http://i.imgur.com/uSbbS.jpg

West Ham mystery signing revealed - exclusive

Here's everything you need to know about the Kiwi...

1) Winston Wiremu Reid was born in Auckland, New Zealand, on 3 July 1988.

...............

10) At the time of writing, his Facebook page has 1,375 fans - something which is sure to rise if he is a success in the East End.

Reid has made only four appearances for the Hammers in his first campaign following a £4m move from Denmark.

RIP BIG MAN

sometimes reality can be just too big for even the biggest big ;_;

Before his professional sports career Holden played competitive Counter-Strike and went by the alias Holden and most famously played for Forsaken in the United States. During his time with the team he helped them to a second place at the WCG 2002 qualifier and 8th place at CPL Summer 2003. His CS career took a back seat as he began to play soccer seriously for Clemson University and this eventually led into his MLS career.[17][18]

Forest goal: The Championship side have been on top since that West Ham goal, and now they have their reward. Big Dele Adebola picks up the ball on the left hand side of the area and beats Rob Green with a low shot that flies just inside his right-hand post.

Bébé seems like a natural fit for bigness, but being called Big Bébé would kinda negate the effect.

holland might be gone but big ron vlaar valiantly failing to contain ronaldo was a proud moment for bigness

http://www.dailystar.co.uk/football/view/260445/Andre-Villas-Boas-starts-Tottenham-spree-with-8m-raid-for-big-Gylfi-Sigurdsson/

BIG GYLFI SIG

what

why

huh

the 6ft 1in star
the 6ft 1in star
the 6ft 1in star
the 6ft 1in star
the 6ft 1in star
the 6ft 1in star

it's just not right, he might be 6'1 but he is no big

Robbie Keane's grandfather is the cousin of Morrissey's father

tsk this is just thread of bigness now tbh isnt it

oh well

That Keane stuff was aired somewhere else recently.

Would like to hear Morrissey pen an ode to Robbie's ill-fated time at Anfield. Ideally with a lyric about "cruel Rafa".

according to david connolly's wiki he "was at one point the highest paid player in Dutch football" while at feyenoord from 97-01

surely this cannot possibly be true???

He was quite highly rated after scoring a few against Croatia in a friendly.

yeah i remember him looking like a real talent but still, coming from the second division?

97/98 you still had van der sar, the de boers, litmanen, cocu, stam, jonk, nilis... 00s were rougher but everyone else must have been on peanuts for it to be true

that cannot possibly be true

idk though i kinda feel like i've read something before about the champs league ajax side all earning 2 grand a week max

david connolly, the dutch denilson

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football-boro-offer-ajax-pounds-6m-for-kluivert-1327288.html

love these old indie archive bits

can never quite work out a consistent way to search for them so they're always just lil occasional googletreats

http://www.thefreelibrary.com/DAVID'S+DUTCH+TREAT%3B+Feyenoord+make+him+a+millionaire.-a0611396822

David Connolly starts a new life in Dutch soccer tomorrow - as a 20-year-old millionaire!

Connolly, Watford's 20-year-old Republic of Ireland forward, is moving to Feyenoord under the Bosman ruling.

Watford, who groomed and nurtured him, will get nothing! Connolly, whose four-year deal is worth more than pounds 2million, said: `"Maybe I don't deserve all this, but I'm a free agent and you can't be a fool and refuse it. I'm reaping the benefits of the Bosman ruling but I've suffered for it as well. I've endured a year at Watford, where I wasn't being picked because I wouldn't sign a new contract."

He got an absolute screamer against Turkey a few years back.

kirk broadfoot is actually a parody big invented in a series of racist pamphlets ghostwritten in the 1930s by enoch powell to destroy the scottish labour movement

irl nobody would have a name as big as that

― Princess TuomTuom (nakhchivan), Monday, 6 December 2010 19:25 (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

kirk broadfoot has gotten too powerful and soon he will be dictating the terms of his own labour

― Cap.Obv (acoleuthic), Monday, 6 December 2010 19:35 (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

kirk broadfoot will only work as long as he has to, and then he will go home and beat his wife with his kids before poaching the last capercaillie in the highland forests

― Cap.Obv (acoleuthic), Monday, 6 December 2010 19:36 (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

One of my favourite Stupid Footballer stories ever, this: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2009/may/15/kirk-broadfoot-egg-explosion-rangers

Steve Claridge
at Stamford Bridge for BBC Radio 5 live sports extra
Chelsea 2-0 Aston Villa
Posted at
"Darren Bent's got quite big, hasn't he? Has he not put on a bit of weight? Look at the size of him... wow. He's a lot bigger than when I last saw him. A lot bigger..."

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Byc3IykIAAARF8H.png

just putting this here for posterity like

PS. Yashin's first game between the sticks with Dinamo came in 1950 when he was 21. He promptly gave up a goal to the opposing GK by misreading the bounce off a clearance. That earned him three more years on the bench. The fact that Dinamo's starting GK at the time was a sure handed Alexey "Tiger" Khomich meant years of the reserve ball for Lev Ivanovich. To get some PT, he played hockey during his off-season and was good enough to almost be selected for the Soviet national team.