There Will Not Be Blood: What Menopause Means to You

Let's talk about the pause that refreshes!

I turn 50 in 3 weeks so will age out of this thread. I'm here to offer an alternative view on "women have it better in their 50s", because no one seems to be addressing menopause and how fucking awful it can be for a lot of women.

Its fucking awful. I've never been so fatigued/incapable/fogbrained/angry since I had mono in my 20s. Yay.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:00 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

But on a more positive note, my silver hair looks pretty neat!

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:00 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

xp That's horrible, and I'm so sorry to hear it! This is a huge topic I'm always up to discuss. I'm having minimal symptoms/side effects but I'm also only mid-way through. If there's enough interest, should we start a thread?

― Ima Gardener (in orbit), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:06 PM (fifty-five minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I'm in the early stages of "the change" -- and a number of my female friends my age are like, "is it covid or is it menopause?" in terms of trying to make sense of the symptoms ... i have had [show hidden text]

― sarahell, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:08 PM (fifty-three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Xpost - You should. I’m not there yet but it’s of interest to me and I have some resources I’ve been bookmarking for friends/fire that I can share. The biggest single predictor of age of menopause is your mom’s age when she went through it which means I’m looking at another 10 years. Joy.

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:10 PM (fifty-two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Perimenopause is a whole thing on its own S and from things I’ve read it can be the worst part for some people!

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:11 PM (fifty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Yeah I dont want to crap up this thread with health woes haha. But yes, we prob can do so if we have enough of us lady-presenting types!

I remember my mother being constantly angry/weepy/weird/dropping things when she was in her late 40s (we get it early in my fam). So much I didnt know were symptoms. Dry eyes! Flu symptoms! Constant headaches!

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:11 PM (fifty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

my mom was about 50 when she started, but apparently if you are a regular/heavy smoker you are likely to start earlier ... so 46, for me, I guess.

― sarahell, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:12 PM (fifty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

xpost - yes E I've read the same, I guess thats whats happening. Lot of hormonal BS.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:12 PM (forty-nine minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Perimenopause is a whole thing on its own S and from things I’ve read it can be the worst part for some people!

yeah that's where I'm at ... I am definitely having to pay more attention to those issues that when I was in my 20s/30s my biggest concern was accidentally forming babby

― sarahell, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:14 PM (forty-eight minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Yeah I bet it is. :/ Def think it’s warrants a thread. Trayce do they call it “the menopause” in Australia? That’s what they call it here in England and it makes me cringe every time because it makes me think of “the curse” or “the change” lol.

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:14 PM (forty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

hahah I remember when I first heard the term "Aunt Flo" and immediately thought of the tv show Alice! and so at some point I associated grits, and the kissing thereof, with menstruation.

― sarahell, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:16 PM (forty-six minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

At least in school they show you a little movie about periods. Nobody tells you anything about menopause! It’s only from reading a bunch of stuff in a Facebook group I’m in that I started realizing how little I knew about it and started reading more.

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:17 PM (forty-five minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

my hippie aunt apparently said "the trick is eating root vegetables rich in vitamin E" ... but ... hippie aunt is not always otm

― sarahell, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:19 PM (forty-three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I won't be in my forties for another few years, but I'm already dreading menopause because birth control pretty much made me lose my mind and so I have this lurking fear that menopause will mean being whomped by mental illness.

― Lily Dale, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:25 PM (thirty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Trayce do they call it “the menopause” in Australia? That’s what they call it here in England and it makes me cringe every time because it makes me think of “the curse” or “the change” lol.

IKR? Yeah older ladies do seem call it that, it sounds anachronistic to me.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:41 PM (twenty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

my friends are abuzz about perimenopause
i don't think i have any symptoms yet but i was a late menarcher

My mother was in her 30s when she started perimenopause, and was done by the time she turned 40. I started around 42 iirc? That was 2-3 years ago. I've had the hot flashes, the night sweats, the DRY AS FUCK eyes, the period that lasted for 2 weeks, and more. Also my body changed how it holds weight, which is not really what I was looking for in a "getting older and wiser" experience.

Now I have a period about every 6 months or so? Just long enough to re-set the clock and remind me that I'm still at the mercy of my hormones.

What do I have to look forward to? How are you doing? Normalize menopause.

Same LL. I was 15 when I got my period. And because of some tv show I saw I was convinced I was secret balls but that’s another sorry.

Even though I don’t think I’m peri yet I find all of this really interesting and I want to be prepared for when I am! It’s crazy how little this is talked about. Thank you for making this thread IO.

When I turned 43 my mom said oh you might start menopause because that’s when I did. Thanks for the heads up!!!

I really haven’t noticed anything different except my arms ache a lot a day or two before.

i was 9 when i first got my period (though it was really just one day before my 10th birthday ... pretty sure this anecdote is on the no boys thread somewhere).

just finishing a period that came early -- and was fairly normal -- but I did have the two months without a period in the fall, followed by the period that lasted 12 days. Over the summer, I had a backyard hang with a friend and his wife -- they're in their mid-50s and live in the suburbs. I mentioned that I needed to go Walgreens and get tampons, and A. (the wife) was like, "you need tampons? I have a large bag of them that I don't need anymore. Do you want them? Please take them? Do they have a shelf life? I think they should still be good." ...Anyway, on day 8 of the 12 day period, I was so immensely grateful for A's tampon stash.

I only know mine was 50 when she started because I asked!

i asked my mom a couple months back about it -- and she was like, "I don't remember. It was so long ago." ... so I guess, if I make it to 75 like my mom, my menopause experience might be as untraumatic as hers, considering otherwise her memory is quite good.

yeah my mom hasn't brought it up at all. i think she forgets i have a body

my mom generally only thinks of bodies in terms of food and pregnant y or n?

*raises hand*

(That's strange. I was just discussing menopause with a bunch of British sixtysomethings on FB.)

My period has been stopping and starting for about seven months now. This is the first full (but light) period I've had in three months--the last few ones were just a little bit of dried blood. I think I've been having hot flashes--I get hot a few times an hour, but it's not all that uncomfortable, and it doesn't make me sweat.

Oh hi. I think I probably started up the perimenopause train in my late 30s, early 40s (no wonder getting pregnant was such a challenge). I breast fed for 16 months, maybe, and that kept my period at bay. I remember the first one I had when it returned was a nice, short manageable cycle and I was like "NICE having a baby fixed everything." HA HA NO. After that, it was blood, everywhere blood, ten day periods every two weeks, can't leave the house, have to sit on a towel, two of those Always super overnight pads back to back when I slept so I basically had a pad that extended from my belly button to the top of my butt crack. Then hot flashes and night sweats and my favorite, major depressive symptoms/suicidal ideation the week before my period started! Which was happening every two weeks!

Anyway, I have a great OB/GYN and she was like, "This is not a normal way to feel. We can do something about this." Cue massive emotional breakdown in the exam room. But I take Lo Loestrin birth control pills (with no breaks - fuck you period!), and a big old dose of Zoloft and that makes it relatively manageable.

My mom started menopause at around 40 and was done with it by 50, so fingers crossed I only have two more years of this bullshit.

I have temporarily put this off by getting pregnant, but I should find out when my mom had it...

those extended periods, guys, I’m so sorry. that is some bullshit.

Pregnant, you say?

wait, it lasts TEN YEARS? i'm not kidding i thought it was like 6 months. i'm not gonna think about it anymore.
xp congrats?!

I've never used hormonal birth control, and I don't know if that will change my experience or not.

Oh, and congratulations.

haha thanks guys. yes, I am knocked up, but don’t let that distract from the topic at hand.

PMDD is the absolute total WORST
I can't wait to get rid of it. Hormonal bc helps a little bit, only enough to allow me to not detonate every 3 weeks

congrats horseshoe!

(thanks, LL!)

Yay, baby horseshoe! Congratulations!

Yay, baby horseshoe! Congratulations!

Yay, baby horseshoe! Congratulations!

I am obviously excited about this news.

horseshoe that is so exciting! How are you feeling?

Thank you! To keep on topic, it took a few years of fertility treatments, and I did wonder vaguely if I was racing menopause toward the end.

Horseshoe I totally saw that on fb and flipped the fuck out inside because I was so happy for you but then I wasn’t sure if I should say anything but omgiamsohappyforyou!

Thanks for running with this in orbit - love the title <3

So yeah, dry eyes is the one I never knew, dear god it is irritating esp because I already have frequently blurry vision anyway from not getting used to my multifocal glasses.

My last period was *thinks*.. maybe August last year? So yeah I'm well on the way at this point, as far as I can tell.

Am seriously considering HRT. It isnt dangerous anymore, right?

Carl, hi! I feel really good tbh; second trimester has been chill! I hope you and Ivy and Jeff are doing well!

fertility treatment high five. Ivy is the product of the best reproductive technology (our) money could buy. We are good! I'm so happy about baby horseshoe.

Oh and congrats horseshoe! Gah Im working cant keep up

And yeah I haven’t ruled out having a kid. I had my AMA tested two years ago because I was curious and my egg reserve was very good but I know at this point it is depleting every day. But that’s another good example - I didn’t even know that was just a test you can ask for!

Wait AMH

(thanks, E!) I have been weird about announcing bc it was so hard to get pregnant and I was scared of stuff going wrong, and also because being publicly pregnant is so fraught, and because I know people who want to get pregnant can’t always and it’s just annoying being a woman fin.

Luckily I never wanted kids, though my partner keeps jokingly demanding "GIVE ME A BABY GIRL" (he has 2 teen boys, he is joking)

But it is happy news and fertility treatment high five back at you, carl

It’s wonderful. The world needs more moms like you tbh. That’s a lucky kiddo right there. :)

re: the birth control pills and the PMDD, last hear at around the time of the Cavanaugh confirmation hearings (aka that week when everything was a trauma trigger), my GP took me off the birth control because of blood pressure concerns and my whole mental health state spiraled. I probably only got more or less back to baseline last August maybe? I do feel much more stable now, but I will not be coming off the pill to see if I'm done with this process any time soon.

year not hear

Aw, thanks!

But back to the thread topic - one of my colleagues was out a lot last year because of really bad menopause symptoms and the management was not happy. That’s actually one of the things that made me interested in it - she was suffering so badly and I was like oh wait? Can it be that rough? And it looks like it can and it should absolutely be talked about more often.

That was an xpost to E; I’m so sorry that PMDD was such a bear, Carl, but I’m glad the pill is working!

ugh it sucks so much when women’s health things affect attendance at work bc the workplace sucks about it, as it does about so many things

Here’s another symptom I didn’t know was a thing - itching! My boss was itching like crazy last year. She is 47 so went to the doc and the itching was hormonal! She’s perimenopausal but she thought she was too young and was shocked.

sadly the kavanaugh shit was fall 2018! i completely lost it around then too and went back on the HBC shortly afterward. i don't plan to ever stop taking it bc the PMDD is still there it's just not as bad. i am actually quite worried about what menopause will do to my emotional state.

She went out after work with girlfriends for a drink and mentioned that her dry skin was driving her nuts and they were all like oh uh . . .

xp esp as i am trying to rebuild life after losing my longtime job that i felt very strongly about
i guess we'll see!

i do have a weird itch on my head that won't go away!!!

Xps linen is expensive but really good for keeping cool

I have one linen dress. It comes out in high summer, at the exact point that I’m too damn hot to care about it being heavily creased the second I sit down.

Since we’re talking about boobs, I’m an A and resent the extra layering required purely to prevent comments about peanut smuggling.

Xps linen is expensive but really good for keeping cool

Hmm I haven’t heard of it causing itchiness (that’s usually wool). Does it feel like an allergy type of itchy or is it more sensory?

Sensory. I have the same thing with some types of wool.

Maybe look for cotton-linen blends, they’ll probably feel a little softer/smoother

Thank you! Yes! I have a few and love them, also in re blankets

Having a very hard time of it lately. I'm convinced most of my symptoms are menopause related - I feel constantly on the verge of a PMT-esque meltdown lately agitated, anxious, angry. Sleep bad. Hot flashes, sweating. Aching. Forgetful, clumsy. The whole freaking nine yards.

But my GP - who is good, thorough and thoughtful - is erring too far on the side of caution and doenst want to let me go on HRT because she thinks it'll be a heart risk for me, because I have elevated cholestorol, liver enymes and diabetes. GAHHHH.

It feels like my panolpy of symptoms all contraindicate each other and I can treat anything without effing up something else. I am going bananas.

Hearing you on this. My oncologist was pretty anti HRT but couldn’t cite any evidence for why. Major university menopause clinic was fine with it despite estrogen/progesterone positive breast cancer (with specifics that make it low risk for recurrence).

I start on Duavee next week and hopeful that I get some of my brain and body back.

x-post

WHAT a time to be perimenopausal. I still haven't experienced anything I would recognize as a hot flash, but the other symptoms track. Well, I probably am due for a checkup.

I started to have hot flashes last month … maybe it’s a later onset symptom… it felt like a cool breeze just stopped… idk maybe it was just summer weather.

I used to wonder if I knew what a hot flash would be, but you really KNOW once they kick in proper. You'll be just sitting there doing nothing and suddenly its like someone's turned on an airfryer in your insides, and you just want to peel all your clothes off. Which if you're sitting at a desk at work is quite awkward lol.

Whats weird is, 15 mins later I can be back to COLD. Nuts.

Strange to reread this thread and find out that I started peri three years ago--I was thinking that it started in late 2022. It's all over now--my one year noperiodversery was in April, and the hot and cold flashes (all I can remember happening during peri) were over by then. It looks like yet another thing that I skated through that should have affected me more but didn't.

That's kind of how I felt too, Christine. Like I knew I didn't feel GOOD but it wasn't that bad (also it was 2020 and there were a lot of reasons to feel anxiety and anger). The hot flashes made me sweat and flush and fan myself but it wasn't like being dipped in lava or whatever.

I found out from Tiktok about a symptom that I didn't even know WAS a symptom: apparently due to changing saliva glands and some other stuff you can HAVE TROUBLE SWALLOWING. I did. I totally did. And I thought something was wrong with me and IT WAS MENOPAUSE ALL ALONG.

Sorry to those who don't get HRT :( a friend of mine is in that category, stupidly due to an incomplete diagnosis from an unrelated scan that doesn't even have a treatment plan for what they think she might have/might not have, but they won't give her HRT with this thing in her records. Not sure what the options are, go to a different doctor and not reveal the scan maybe.

Having been off it and back on HRT, the biggest change to my quality of life is the lessening of chronic muscle and joint pain. :/

I read about the swallowing thing recently. Isn't that just insane? Apparently some women have it really bad and think they're choking all the time. Wtf??

I'm still waiting for things to start. Based on age and years I must be peri but still like clockwork and no symptoms yet. A few of my friends are going through it really bad. Genuinely hoping that I skate thru it too. Apparently age at menarche can impact age of menopause insofar as women who got their period early tend to go through it earlier etc. I didn't get my period until the end of Freshman year in HS.
Read something recently that said there is basically some form of HRT for almost everyone even people who years ago wouldn't have been prescribed. I think if I were your friend I'd get a 2nd opinion if poss.

I thought it was if you got yr period early, then you hit menopause late and vice versa? Idk. I was watching one of those nice British shows on PBS set in the last century, and one of the characters was having mood swings and lost interest in sex w her husband w/ whom they had 4 kids … and I was like … Kathy is probably just starting “the change” … yep. Three episodes later, I was correct.

one of the characters was having mood swings and lost interest in sex w her husband w/ whom they had 4 kids

The problem here is that both of those symptoms are also explained by having 4 kids.

Yeah I am not sure they really know. Some studies say what I heard, others what you said and others where they find no correlation who who fucking knows.

What I do know is that the best predictor of when a woman will hit meno is when her mother did.

Xpost - lol seriously

My mother went through menopause in her mid-forties, just before I started menarche at 9 or so.

Having been off it and back on HRT, the biggest change to my quality of life is the lessening of chronic muscle and joint pain.

As in the HRT helped this? I'm so desperate for this! And my GP knows it and she's so torn because she doesnt want to give a high-heart-risk woman HRT. Maybe now I've found a cholestorol med that doesnt make me feel like I have the flu, things will be better...

Yeah I am not sure they really know. Some studies say what I heard, others what you said and others where they find no correlation who who fucking knows.

What I do know is that the best predictor of when a woman will hit meno is when her mother did.

I find the estrogen part of HRT enormously helpful for chronic pain. Sometimes I forgot to replace my patch for a day or two and I notice I wake up with more aches esp in my feet and ankles (which as a New Yorker I over-use every day, basically, so they're always sore).

Wait so my achy hands might be due to menopause?????

First it came for my feet and now that it’s affecting my hands I’m at my wit’s end.

I would at least say it's possible? :( But maybe :) if HRT will help!

Xp LL … Otherwise it’s arthritis…not sure what’s worse. I got aches in knees and lower back… Idk if the different parts that ache during menopause are like the sneak preview of where the arthritis will hit in 10+ more years… otoh, men as they age are more prone to needing adult diapers so … definitely prefer hot flashes and aching knees to that

i have annual physical coming up, doc is going to get my bullet list of ailments now that my bp is under control. i fully dread the thought of having arthritis/losing functionality in my hands/feet.

I had hand and lower spinal/hip xrays recently cos of my aches, checking for Ankylosing spondylitis (cos I have the marker in my bloodwork). I dont have AS as far as they reckon but I am getting mild osteo in my knees and right hand ugh.

I get that classic "it aches when its cold" thing.

My journey to try and get put on fucking HRT is still ongoing! I feel like I'm in a GRRM novel at this point, it is taking sooooo long. I had to tick off all the "high risk" shit which meant seeing a cardiologist, controlling my diabetes, losing weight, and getting a mammogram. Thanks to waiting lists, thats taken me over 12 months. And now today at the final hurdle they tell me the frigging cardio never sent my results to my GP grrrr. But once thats sorted it looks like I may FINALLY get to try HRT. And not a moment too soon, I am over the tired, sweaty, cranky, clumsy, foggy lot.

Oh and not to mention the constant aches and pains. Just getting up off the couch is a trial.

I learned recently about menopausal tendonitis and it explained so much about the general aches and pains all over. Lower estrogen levels make the collagen in your tendons go crosswise instead of in a nice smooth line - this makes tendons stiff and inflexible. Counter with more stretching than seems reasonable.

Yesterday I stood on a chair… the process, the amount of time it took … I was like, do I go in the kitchen and get the stepladder? Nah, I could totally get on this chair no problem, faster than getting the ladder … in retrospect… the ladder would have been faster.

Trayce, yeah, they won't give it me here in Canada either. Frustrating because from what I've read, the latest research shows that most of the risks they thought were associated with it are more accurately only risky if your levels are depleted and then suddenly replaced, but maintaining is relatively much more safe. So *if* that is true, seems like a poor level of care to actively create the worse scenario. I saw my family dr, a private clinic, and a specialist and still got nowhere. It's ridiculous.

Meanwhile, in Big Pharma USA, even a person with a history of estrogen-receptor-positive breast cancer (e.g., me) can get HRT.

I've been on it (albeit at very low dose and combined with a protective SERM) for months. I still feel crap, but not quite as crap.

Oh we can get it fine its just the GPs are exercising an abundance of caution because of the supposed heart risk (bcs of my comorbidities). I mean I guess thats good but yeesh.

I have to say if this doesnt help the sleep/heat/aches thing I'll be pretty frustrated.

did y'all see that video of the woman's head literally steaming while she had a hot flash and was sitting on some bleachers watching a game?!
classic

My aunt’s hot flashes used to fog up her car windows when she was driving!

Its so weird! It isnt at all like fever heat. Its like ones skin has taken on hotplate qualities. Also I can be hot all over andsweating and still have freezing cold feet. FUN.

Itching! So much itching! Also managed to fog up some car windows today while sweat-soaking through a t-shirt.

It was never steaming nor uncomfortable heat, for me. I just had to be prepared to take off all of the covers or my coat a couple of dozen times a day.

Effexor completely halted my hot flashes and night sweats! It was rather astounding. I added estrogen for anxiety snd mood madness along with GSM.

Oh and if you are not already using vaginal estrogen cream, DO IT! It is not absorbed systematically so any doc who says it is contraindicated does not know wtf they are talking about. Which is unfortunately the case for far too many docs, including gyns, when it comes to menopause !

Effexor completely halted my hot flashes and night sweats!

Interesting, cos both the lady GPs I see suggested SSRIs and I was extremely wary because I had a Very Bad time on effexor and prozac back in the 90s (shot my anxiety levels thru the roof) so I'm not sure thats an option.. who knows.

I just 5 mins ago got called by the GP... I hve to get one last boob ultrasound to make 300% sure a minor blop on my last mammo is nothing to worry about before they'll start. GAH! there is zero BC in my family!

Is vaginal estrogen still $100+ a tube?

Not sure, my insurance pays for some of it—it is totally bullshit that it would cost more than, like, 20 bucks—cheap generic drug mixed with vaseline. Honestly they should give it out for free to everyone over 45.

Sorry to all who are pushing for HRT. It was easy to get mine but possib because I have no warning signs or medical hist issues. Also I was fully finished with menopause by the time I started, so I was already no longer having hot flashes etc. But I super super appreciate the improved joint flexibility and reduced chronic pain of taking HRT! Along with some other changes that I won't put here but suffice it to say the results are an improvement.

My hot flashes were like the feeling of wearing several coats in a hot room, nothing more or less than that. Definitely bothersome but not life-disrupting! Right before covid was a thing, I had one on a PACKED subway train one morning and I must have looked horrible because people were inviting me to sit down and like I might pass out! lol how you do you say thanks but I'm just SO HOT RIGHT NOW.

When do we know menopause is over?

My situation is different: end of 2017 I had a hysterectomy because of an entire fruit bowl of fibroids in there, kept ovaries. I sometimes have flash sweats and flare-ups of tendinitis (including in my Achilles for most of the past year). I did not realise that tendinitis is linked to menopause at all; my GP (who is great in every other way) has never drawn my attention to this. Not on HRT - because of childhood cancer, I have always ruled it out. Had to artificially stop periods as a first effort to treat the fibroids maybe 10 years back. What I do?

I take effexor for depression/anxiety reasons and still have all the sweating