Real love -- I'm, like, searchin' for that Queer Love -- LGBTQIA+ Love // A Thread for the Real Ones

🙃🙃🙃 wassup y'all? i'm so happy we're all here. lots of years between the lot of you. friends, lovers, cuties welcome. 🐙🐙🐙

Bump.

feeling mighty real tbh

great title swen, can i call you swenny henny?

y'all I just spent 4 days in Boston w my new "friend" and it was soooo nice, we seem to really enjoy each other's company and he was v cuddly and affectionate and it just felt v lovely to have like easy uncomplicated intimacy, also while I was there I bought a golden fork to keep in my office for work lunches and I am irrationally excited abt it, it is truly so cunt

this weekend I am performing in a Kate Bush revue thing called N1ght of 1000 K4tes, it is going to be v fun (it's in its 8th year and I have attended all but the v first one and this will be my 2nd time performing!!!), it is one of my v favorite things abt Philly, every year is like going to summer camp and seeing all your friends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jK7dW8Jf74

lmao at having a golden fork, it's completely perfect and now i want one. kate bush community theater sounds lovely.

it's got like a sanded matte finish instead of a high-gloss sheen, I really love it

it's actually my friend's performance/idea and I'm just one of the performers, but it's like, about covid??? (which I'm not thrilled abt but I love my friend and am happy to contrib), it's like a sound collage based on "Aerial" (which I tbh am thrilled abt) and there's like, dancers in the audience, and mirrory things on the stage reflecting back on the audience, and there's like, contemplation and one-ness and survival and stuff I think

that's sooo cool and I'm jelly. I just listened to Aerial the other day. my introduction to ILX!

so I have had my own idea for YEARS that I have told several ppl abt and have gotten a good response to and I think I am going to finally finally try to pull it off next year, I think I have maybe even talked abt it on here somewhere, but the song is this v inexplicable house remix of "Rubberband Girl" and the performance is a complete ripoff of UNZIPPED (1995) where it will be a fashion show and there will be all sorts of zany chaos and hijinks backstage but w like perfect immaculate runway walks the second they come out from behind the curtain, the performance has nothing to do w the music but maybe I'll get some LIVESTRONG bracelets made and throw them into the crowd idk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KII-OXV86c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFBc4rXKkTU

AERIAL is honestly the best Kate Bush album

also it is a bit $$$ (20 of them to be exact) but they are selling tickets for the livestream tomorrow night at 8:30! https://wl.seetickets.us/event/Night-of1000Kates/470113?afflky=UndergroundArts

stevie i still have that KB shirt you sent me! it's a lil snug on me atm but whenever i wear it ppl always ask about it

omg mine too is a lil snug, I forget which one I sent you but the one I have has her face on it and my belly makes it fold in half so that it makes her look like that one picture of Aphex Twin

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/da/Aphex_Twin_-_Syro_main_press_photo.jpg

you sent me the glow in the dark one (which amazingly still works after probably dozens of laundry cycles)

I just watched unzipped recently and it was so good. also did you know there's a sister documentary called catwalk that basically follows Christy Turlington all over the world?
pretty awful what's going on with Linda Evangelista. she just released the first body pics of her condition due to coolsculpting. unimaginable.

I was sad to miss Kates. Heard my friend Anna blew it outta the park, and saw the wacky inflatable Cathy and Heathcliff blow-up piece on film. Looked like a really fun time, but we had planned a dinner months ago with our gay friends, one of whom is going through a health scare...so it seemed more important to hang out with them.

I finished "Detransition, Baby," yesterday, and while I thought it ended much too quickly, I thought it had some really lovely moments.

hope your friend is hanging in there <3

xp y0ung?? she fuckin KILLED it (as per usual). I hope they post a recording of the livestream.

I've been listening to a lot of RuTH lately 🌄🌄🌄

yes Stevie, that Ann4

o boy what a life we lead really

so I'm not sure when the next time I'll "meet" someone is, let's call it, due to extenuating circumstances

do i care?

will i ever go out to a bar and pick someone up again? i had occasional game. all of a sudden I'd love to meet someone younger than me. i usually don't gravitate to that realm. i wonder what that's about

you will absolutely go out to a bar and pick someone up again, it is so inevitable

Date tonight. At a (rooftop) bar. I shoulda asked if he's jabbed.

first date? how did you meet? brown hair, big heart, bat eyelashes?

you know Stevie it's just at first it was pandemia, and then health stuff that's going to take another 6 months to settle. just didn't realize I'd be singing the same tune for the goddamn 3-year dark ages. but whatever i'm going to get so many beauty treatments when this is all through I plan on looking like Princess Jasmine meets Bella Hadid. mark my words.

also i quit smoking forever and it's truly something else. going on 6 months.

my new issue of BUTT just arrived!!!!!!!!!

omg i already read some of the poems
how is it at large?

is it large?

C'mon Simone, let's talk about your big "but."

I haven't read it yet bcz I got it at work and then *brag alert* went straight to my fuck buddy's house for a cute date and only just got home a few hours ago!!!

butts all around

butts rule everything around me

OK SO
I'm not a butt man and i keep feeling more and more alone
like American men are just obsessed with them
i feel like there's something wrong with me

Stevo you're killin it these days

don't care about the outside, it's what's inside that counts imo

like the way it feels?

yeah! i mean not to get too tmi or too cliche i guess but i just think anuses are this incredible part of us lol and i really like experiencing them.

So! My Saturday night date sold me out. I suspected trouble when I had to text him 15 mins before meeting: he was running late thanks to a "minor emergency" at his parents', whatever that means (what's a "minor" emergency?). Luckily a friend kept me company at the bar.

An hour later, date texts: "On my way, send location address plz?" That's the last I heard of him. For a while I thought he died -- until I saw a an Instagram post Sunday morning.

He's 24, a former student who emailed me four years after class to ask about getting a beer or coffee. On determining he was queer he gushed: he praised my self-assurance, brains, looks, etc. We might've met that night had I not plans already. It's worth noting I barely remember this kid in summer 2018.

I wonder if simply not showing up is a phenomenon of the young?

Anusii are a cliche?

that sucks. definitely hit next. it's been a phenomenon of the young and old as long as i've been dating tbh. xp

Yeah, I wanted to avoid generational generalization, but a few viejos noted The Vanishing has been more prevalent in the last four years.

I've ghosted more than my share, I should note.

I have never done this, to my knowledge?

me eiths it's dumb
I'm too polite though

wassup homieslice

good morning!

Mornin' sunshine!
What's on the platter?

I'm vegetarian tonight.

sexually or culinarily?

Lady Bracknell : Well, both, if necessary, I presume!

mere casuistry!

how exciting! t, i admire you greatly.

ooh table I rly wanna read your YA book, I'm into that stuff

just got this one
https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/sNgAAOSwkGNkN09m/s-l1600.jpg

Jamie, a quiet individualist in a noisy family, finds friendship, understanding, and a new self-confidence during the summer he spends in the country with an unusual young woman from the nature center, who cares for all kinds of animals.

and congrats Alfred, I wanna read your book too!

Thanks, all.

This has been ab abysmal day. Our givernment called us anti-American. We need each other more than ever.

well the title doesn’t mean what i hoped it might, but Jamie is queer af
on page 2 he buys an orange tyrolean hat with a feather in it
he spends the next 2 chapters mostly thinking about his hat

Alfred have an e-hug ((()))

Jamie sounds cool. and appears to be a friend to cats!

gonna make this my queerest year yet. details tbd

okay gays, i have never used apps before and honestly, there is a libido imbalance in my marriage. husband is fine with me seeking out sex elsewhere, but i have never really done so because i didn’t find it “important.” it’s suddenly become apparent that i need something more than just my hand—

so what apps do you use? Scruff has given me nothing but pretty dull results so far, just total mismatches and dudes who could be my dad— which is fine, just not what i am interested in. Sniffies is rather unbecoming but seems more promising in terms of “cum n go” . really what i want is a regular fb or fwb….

sniffies *is* unbecoming that being said i’ve met several regular fbs and fwbs on there, so i wouldn’t rule it out. brooklyn is obv extremely dense with gay guys so sniffies here is a pretty constant stream of options, but i think it just depends on your tolerance for using the site. if you use it regularly i think you can find likeminded (don’t just mean sexually) people who you can engage w/ beyond the fuck. my bf doesn’t really chat w ppl on there and uses it more just as a cum n go app tho

i think a lot of people would say feeld is your best bet. that is basically tinder but explicitly horny and based around kink and non-monogamy. personally, match based apps like that move too slow for me … there is a lot of gaming involved on the app’s side and getting to the point of having a convo w/ someone is arduous compared to sniffies. but you can create a whole profile of your interests & stuff so it’s more likely to return people you might really be aligned with. i don’t think anyone meets on feeld and is fucking 20 minutes later

20 minutes, damn, i wonder if i've ever hit that benchmark? maybe haha.

my libido is pleasantly there and fully within the bounds / satisfied by my longer term partner (lower libido than me) and third (higher libido than me) in combination.

geoffreyess, welcome, looking forward to the deets

thanks for yr thoughts, J0rdan

My baseline thought is that the apps are nonsense but also I met my husband on Manhunt so actually they can be really awesome

I didn't use apps for much of 2024 b/c I've had unexpected success picking up at bars but I gotta try Sniffies (awful name!) at last.

I expect to hear about an app called Manwich.

well, i had a Sniffies assignation— a bit of a “scene” tbh— and while it was nice to know that my years of hustling haven’t left me and i still have a throat, i also think that i probably should be looking more for something more intimate with a compatible person

congrats! a good throat will always be of value in our community...

i wouldn't give up on the idea of finding intimate compatibility on sniffies, tho maybe philly is different. nashville sniffies is much more anon coded than new york for instance

i think it really all just comes down to the pace with which you want to communicate. scruff and grindr have woof/tap functions that allow people to, like, register vague interest in you w/o actually engaging w/ words. i personally hate that and find it a huge waste of time, but it clearly works for some people. sniffies at least requires a message so a conversation of some sort is a requirement for use. the match based apps like feeld are prob best for what you're looking for, you just have to be willing to do more sifting in terms of swiping, waiting for matches, being gamified by the app to do things to bypass this process, more drawn out convos etc. but again for some people all those layers are not necessarily a drawback

yeah, gonna try out Feeld. honestly Scruff here just has very few people who fit my types.

yeah feel like if you’re not looking for bears/dads scruff is prob not for you

i mean i was hoping some young thing would find *me* to be an irresistible Dad— i am 40, after all— but perhaps that was too hopeful lmfao

this was moving, in many ways— still a little hesitant to post it, for some reason, but whatever:

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/02/05/opinion/coming-out-evangelical-pastor.html?rsrc=flt&unlocked_article_code=1.u04.hDqV.PQ0jvSgPqKlF&smid=url-share

Wow, this is wonderful

(I did chuckle at the potshot at Unitarians)

lol same

Got my ears pierced today. Don't know why I waited so long, but jeez, not to toot my own horn but I really do look cute with these little moonstones in my ears.

Nice

I got my ears pierced at age 40. I bought nice moissanite studs for them at an antique market, but usually I wear small garnet cameos

I think I am eventually going to get small hoops. I just like them a bit better, but the possibilities are wide open (after the next weeks of healing of course).

moonstones sound really cute! i like piercings. i could see myself getting em some day. you think you might try gauges at some point? i always thought they looked cool.

aw cute T! i had both an industrial and an eyebrow piercing in my late teens through early twenties. the eyebrow one got infected so i took it out, then i got rid of the industrial when i bought a pair of over-ear headphones. used to really want a septum piercing but i've since cooled on that one. i'd consider just getting my lobes pierced at some point i think.

I don’t like the idea of gauges on myself, but I think they look really lovely on others— husband has them, albeit they’re pretty small, like 1/2”.

cute, T! I have one ear pierced since the 7th grade, and mostly left it empty for the last year or so. but just got new earrings a few weeks ago. They are some Disney princess branded Beauty and the Beast roses LOL. In rose gold and silver, that cartoon rococo ormolu style from the movie, so kinda garish :)
Love em. I don't think I ever had studs before, only hoops. I like these way more.

I go back and forth. Part of me just wants to rock some little triangle studs in my ears at all times, another wants hoops with all sorts of charms and shit on them lol.

Did something change wherein every single cis gay dude feels the need to have facial hair? Not totally opposed, as I have dated dudes with facial hair, but like 90% of the dudes pinging me on apps have full, bushy beards.

And mullets.

I grew my first beard just ahead of my 60th birthday, intending to shave it off on the day. That was three years ago today, and I still have it. Turns out that I look better with it than without it. Even my previously beard averse other agreed that it needed to stay.

for me shaving was always rough so i've had a beard by default since my 20s. the main reason was always path of least resistance but i've definitely turned into more of a 'beard guy' over the past few years. our young fella is really into them so why not just go full beard dude haha. i brush it occasionally, i've used a simple oil before, but i always come back to just being super hands-off about it. a little trim every two weeks and i'm good. i like it and it's comfortable - i'll probably stick with it for the rest of my life honestly.

I have a weak jawline and weak chin, beards are my friends

And mullets.

― the talented mr pimply (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, February 17, 2025 4:28 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

i don't like the mullet and mustache thing like at all.

nooooo

I accept that trends return but I hadn't prepared for mullets 'n' staches at the same time

If I don’t let my beard grow, I get all kinds of awful razor bumps because I’m not diligent enough about taking care of my skin. I think I look better with a neatly-trimmed beard than infected ingrown hairs

xp hell no, the cop mustaches on young kids are messing with me. I feel alienated by it somehow. it just feels wrong.

but also those choppy haircuts are not "mullets", they are... faux-hawks kinda?
a mullet isn't a medium length textured haircut with an aggressive taper
it's a short haircut with some flowing length in the back
ffs

Again, I want to reiterate that I am not opposed, just confused

the 1970s are back baby

i’ve been doing the mustache for a bit, it’s moderately bushy at this point. i trim the rest of my beard on the lowest possible setting so there’s still some light stubble (less annoying/time-consuming than shaving it fully with cream). i think it looks best after a couple days when the beard’s starting to grow back in.

interesting youth trend i’ve noticed in my city lately is younger ppl smoking actual cigarettes again instead of vaping, which i guess seems too dweeby now? i haven’t been a smoker in years (barring nicking one or two smokes off ppl over like, a ten-year period), i have no idea how much a pack even costs these days.

About the same as a steak dinner

haha otm

i do like a mustache when it's combined with stubble. i tried doing a handlebar at one point but i couldn't pull it off at the time. maybe if we ever move out to the sticks and have a little house with some land.

smoking is definitely something that i get all 'concerned parent' about. just say no you little shits!!! kidding only a little. young fella likes a spliff from time to time, i don't blame him, but it really is a slippery slope with tobacco ime.

at my dj gig the other night the bartender had decided that the booth needed some nag champa in it, which i liked at first, but it was like right there and they kept lighting it so i was breathing nag champa all night and just like doused with the smoke. i'm cool with a little bit of incense but there's a line where it gets flat-out disgusting imo. i showered the next day and shampooed for like five minutes saying things to myself like "ugh get this hippie smoke out of my goddamn hair" lol.

I for sure have seen more college-aged kids smoke cigs in the last two years.

nag champa, wow, that used to be everywhere, i never see it around anymore. i was noseblind through my 20's due to chainsmoking and burning incense constantly. nowadays if i get a whiff of pot it's oppressive.

one time i bought a sample pack from one of the indie fragrance houses people online were raving about. the descriptions were so enticing, each one sounded like a little world i wanted to live in. but they all just smelled like "90"s head shop" (tbf, one of them was kinda supposed to)

beard-wise, i always want to look more childlike, but that might be "against type", i'm not really sure. it's hard to be objective about that. biology is not destiny ofc but nothing gives me the feeling of trying to force it more than shaving, maybe. it feels like a losing battle.