Feed Your Dog Regularly, or He'll EAT YOU!

also, it's nice to see that the WWN spends a fortune on their editing staff.

Well, you know, someone had to separate this article into seemingly endless one-sentence paragraphs.

oh, yer gonna get darnielle on yer ass you will

The Smithsonian did an article on the WWN staff a few years ago.. they're all Sarah Lawrence and Columia liberal types with tortoise-shell glasses and college sweatshirts. I'll give them credit: they don't attack real people, unless it's Osama Bin Laden and his lover Saddam Hussein.

Or Bat boy, they ran some articles terrorizing the poor guy for a few years.

"Marie Provost," Nick Lowe

Mary Provost did not look her best
The day the cops bust into her lonely nest
In the cheap hotel up
on Hollywood West July 29
She'd been lyin' there
for two or three weeks
The neighbors said
they never heard a squeak
For hungry eyes that couid not speak
Said even little doggie's have got to eat
She was winner
The became the doggie's dinner
She never meant that much to me
(But now I see) Oh poor Mary

Mary Provost was a movie queen
Mysterious angel of the silent screen
And run like the wind
the nation's young men steam
When Mary crossed the silent screen
Oh she came out west from New York
But when the talkies came
Mary just couldn't cope
Her public said Mary take a walk
All the way back to New York

Those twin balms didn't help her sleep
As her nights grew long
and her days grew bleak
It's all downhill
once you've passed your peak
Mary got ready for that last big sleep
The cops came in
and they looked around
Throwing up everywhere over
what they found
The handywork of Mary's little dachshund
That hungry little dachshund

Poor Mary, poor Mary, poor poor Mary
Poor Mary

Heh heh, thank you for reminding of that song. Must get around to listening to it again.

According to biographies of her everywhere on the net, Marie Prevost (note vowel change) wasn't actually killed by her dog -- she died of alcoholism and self-enforced starvation and THEN the dog ate her. Or bits of her.

by the bye, the nick lowe album from which "marie prevost" came (pure pop for now people) is a lost classic (along w/ whatever one has "cruel to be kind"). nick lowe, pop songmeister > nick lowe, roots-rock dude.

"you could be next" is basically the greatest rhetorical device ever, isn't it?

Better yet in the "breaking news" section at the bottom is the "Britney Spears is a musical genius!" article. WOw...

you better feed yer rap star regularly, apparently, or they'll also start munching on people!

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0000AQS1A.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

Looks more like a leg and a thigh to me.