GIANT JERK SHOOTS HIMSELF IN LEG: it's week 14! :D

yes, i know there is "technically" one more game this week but seriously, c'mon man.

OAK @ SD this is so ghetto. i'm going with oakland because honestly, i don't think sd is done embarrassing themselves
JAC @ CHI chicago
CLE @ TEN tennessee tho i am kinda feelin' the browns too!
MIN @ DET detroit will not win a game this year
CIN @ IND indy
ATL @ NO atlanta
PHI @ NYG giants will not lose another game this regular season (note: prediction invalidated if they go all ridiculous and "rest" their starters but i don't see coughlin making a mistake like that since it involves allowing players to have a day off)
HOU @ GB green bay
MIA @ BUF you know i'm gonna say buffalo, why not?
NE @ SEA yikes. new england, cos i don't think they'll play THAT badly two weeks in a row
KC @ DEN denver
NYJ @ SF PLEASE LET IT BE SAN FRANCISCO
STL @ ARI arizona for sure, there might actually be real explosions
DAL @ PIT pittsburgh
WAS @ BAL ooh this will be good! i think washington will bounce back and have a strong game but this is kinda 50/50 to me
TB @ CAR you gotta be shitting me, a watchable monday night game? except for the hideousness of both of these teams' uniforms, of course. carolina

so, are the cardinals the bizarro rams or vice versa?

I cannot believe you are feeling the browns. Are you drunk?

OAK @ SD this is so ghetto. i'm going with san diego because honestly, i don't think oak is done embarrassing themselves
JAC @ CHI Cats
CLE @ TEN Ten
MIN @ DET detroit may be shut out
CIN @ IND Whorse
ATL @ NO NO
PHI @ NYG McNabb might get pulled again.
HOU @ GB GB
MIA @ BUF MIA in a shameful Buffalo performance.
NE @ SEA Seattle may be shut out
KC @ DEN Whorses
NYJ @ SF NYJ although let the record show what happens when Brett has to throw to win the game.
STL @ ARI Birds
DAL @ PIT pittsburgh in a fun festival. Please let TO run a lazy route underneath.
WAS @ BAL Baltimoar
TB @ CAR Tampa

I have to be drunk to feel anything about this season.

I cannot believe you are feeling the browns. Are you drunk?

― brownie, Monday, December 1, 2008 5:05 PM (9 minutes ago)

i'm really, really sick if it helps

it does, thanks

OAK @ SD most weeks i'm like, the super chargers can't be THAT bad, and most weeks they prove me wrong.. still.. chargers.
JAC @ CHI zzzzzz jacksonville
CLE @ TEN i'm thinking this could be closer than it looks but do the browns even have a QB now? tennessee
MIN @ DET "detroit will not win a game this year"
CIN @ IND indie
ATL @ NO looking forward to this!!! saints?
PHI @ NYG depends on which philly team shows up.. giants
HOU @ GB don't care. green bay
MIA @ BUF let's go beast mode!
NE @ SEA pats don't lose two in a row, come on (but can someone check on wes welker and make sure he didn't die?!)
KC @ DEN denvers
NYJ @ SF GO SINGLETARIES let the jets choke & lose the division to new england again
STL @ ARI
http://s.azcentral.com/home/File-/picture/50763/1/0/258/1024/
DAL @ PIT pittsburgh, IMHO second best team in the league & right now would bet on steelers-giants super bowl (although i have seen 10X more games of these teams than of tampa bay, carolina, tennessee)
WAS @ BAL i don't know how skins will put more than 6 points on the board vs ravens defense. z-man better figure out something
TB @ CAR this should be good! tampa bay

PIT too inconsistent. though i guess everyone else except NYFG is too. lost at home to indy, almost lost at home to the chargers, kind of shit the bed in philly...

brownie i'm sorry but i love that ken dorsey is starting

too bad winslow is hurt

OAK @ SD san diego is going to win this 19-3. what an embarrassing season
JAC @ CHI jax really suck but i don't think the bears have anything left. bears though
CLE @ TEN titans rout duh lol ken dorsey
MIN @ DET the funny thing about this is that if they could bottle up peterson they could have a chance at winning but the titans just ran for 445432 yds
CIN @ IND the colts suck i can't wait for them to lose in the first round to the broncos, winning this tho obv
ATL @ NO the falcons are so awesome - america's team for the new decade
PHI @ NYG giants. rollin rollin rollin we ain't lost in weeks
HOU @ GB this game is going to be way closer than most ppl think - in fact, fuck it: TEXANS
MIA @ BUF phins delete the bills season in toronto
NE @ SEA this is gonna be 30-0 pats at half i think
KC @ DEN den- i still think that they can make a run in the playoffs despite their shitty D
NYJ @ SF jets, but this one will probably be close too and no one will be paying attention
STL @ ARI cards
DAL @ PIT steelers, some good lol moments from romo obv - this will be one to watch
WAS @ BAL good, close game but i like the redskins - they seem to win "big" games when no one is paying attention to the "big" games
TB @ CAR totally looking forward to this one - williams/stewart are fuckin awesome + steve smith's craziness = we can get behind the panthers. i think they win

^^^ unfortunately skins-ravens was flexed to sunday night prime time, this does not bode well for us!

i had a pet theory abt da bears winning prime time games that got shot 2 shit last night

mostly cuz they tried to run up the middle on every down

always look forward to shots of ray lewis yelling and flexing

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3740122

Six players, including the heart of the Minnesota Vikings' stout defensive line, were suspended for four games without pay by the NFL on Tuesday for violating the league's anti-doping policy.

All six were punished for using a diuretic, which can serve as a masking agent for steroids.

The suspended players were running back Deuce McAllister and defensive linemen Charles Grant and Will Smith of New Orleans; defensive linemen Kevin and Pat Williams of Minnesota; and long snapper Bryan Pittman of Houston.

lollll

fuk u, NO and MIN

Vikings are fuuuuucked

Can't professional athletes excessively shit and piss in peace?!?!

the league has to stick to its guns on this one, but it's kinda ridiculous since these are all clearly just fat guys trying to make weight. interestingly enough, grady jackson was caught taking the same shit but isnt getting suspended, and is actually suing the company for not listing its ingredients right? idk man idk~~~

i mean when the league gives you a list of what specific supplements and shit you can put in your body i cant really have sympathy for dudes gettin busted for loadin up on mega horse laxative

it is the no fun league after all

New commish is such a dick.

and long snapper Bryan Pittman of Houston
and long snapper Bryan Pittman of Houston
and long snapper Bryan Pittman of Houston
and long snapper Bryan Pittman of Houston

i mean when the league gives you a list of what specific supplements and shit you can put in your body i cant really have sympathy for dudes gettin busted for loadin up on mega horse laxative

yeah this is basically how I am feeling about it, plus if these teams' personnel people from the GM on down were running shit properly you'd think this kind of thing would be pretty easy to head off at the pass. if I'm paying X huge pile of $ for your body and your mind to be at my organizations' complete disposal seven months out of the year then I would think it might be worth P amount of my time and a E extra $ to make sure you're in shape to play, including but not limited to having league-approved piss

otoh jc the league also gives you a huge list of specific supplements and shit that you CAN'T put into your body in conjunction with the other list so if this supplement fails to be on EITHER list i can see the confusion. i don't think this is fair -- they shouldn't be suspending players if the supplement isn't on either list, AND it fails to list a key ingredient in its ingredient list that would lead to it being disallowed.

cankles otm in that the league has to stick to its guns but the league could also provide better ways to manage this shit (and also how about ending the fucking making weight ritual that leads dudes to do shit like this to begin with).

if I'm paying X huge pile of $ for your body and your mind to be at my organizations' complete disposal seven months out of the year

there is something about this phrasing that is really gross to me. they're not slaves.

When it's all said and done, do you guys think Reggie Bush or LenDale White will finish his career with more rushing touchdowns?

reggie bush has to get past the line of scrimmage once in awhile in order to score a rushing td so i'm gonna go with lendale

lol @ reggie bush & the line of scrimmage

guys did you miss the part where I called professional football players slaves

reggie bush & the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, awful gay line of scrimmage

I guess it isn't fair to compare them strictly on rushing since Bush does at least half of his damage as a receiver.

reggie is better as a receiver or returner than a rb, he doesn't seem to be big on contact with those 300+ lb dudes. but then again if most of my social life involved vegas threeways with kim kardashian i might try to avoid that shit too.

OK I am going to try to have a comment for every game this week:

OAK @ SD Awful game. I would not be surprised to see Oakland sneak a win, but my pick is the BOLTS
JAC @ CHI Jax played with no pride or fire at all on Monday. Hence, BEARS.
CLE @ TEN 3rd-string QB = no doubt TITS victory.
MIN @ DET Williams wall suspension enhances the case that this is Detroit's last best chance but who the hell would pick them? VIKES.
CIN @ IND I kind of wish I had seen the Browns hold Indy to 10 points and no offensive TDs last week. This will not happen again with a bad team, COLTS.
ATL @ NO Will I see the Falcons play at all this season? I hope so. But here I like SAINTS at home playing for pride.
PHI @ NYG GINTS are just a really well-built team. One of the most impressive groups in the NFL in a decade.
HOU @ GB I saw Steve Slaton on Monday an he's an impressive runner--fast and smart. Catches well too! COWS.
MIA @ BUF I always pick the FINS because they seem to get relatively favorable matchups. This is another against a reeling Bills team.
NE @ SEA PATS will be pissed this game was flexed out.
KC @ DEN Can't help but pick BRONCS they are way too talented to lose to a team like KC at home.
NYJ @ SF Since I cannot think of a single thing the niners are good at, it will be JETS.
STL @ ARI CARDS at home against a bad D = huge day through the air.
DAL @ PIT BOYS because I can't bring myself to pick the stillers in a close game. They have a good defense but their offense is nothing special, and Dallas can hang with that.
WAS @ BAL in the biggest test of the one-syllable nickname rule, RAVES/BALLS/BIRDS are gonna wreck washington. Total annihilation.
TB @ CAR Nice! Big Monday game w/two teams I haven't seen. I hate Carolina and have a secret fondness for the BUCS, so they will win.

re: Bush I feel like despite the fact that Payton is a good offensive coach there are better ways to use Reggie. When he and McAllister were both healthy, did they play them at the same time often? If I had Bush I would keep him on the field with 2 WRs and a stronger, pummeling RB. For each play you could motion him to the slot, run a pitch, set up a screen, run straight handoff using the bigger RB as an FB, etc. Would that be so hard to incorporate?

Would that be so hard to incorporate?

No, but you'd need a pounder who was also a good and willing blocker, and I'm not sure if Deuce was willing to be that guy.

I cannot think of a single thing the niners are good at

forgot about lolz

truth--good correction Schef.

did any of u read the full nfl statement on the "steroid" suspensions? it includes a curious statement about how they don't want players taking supplements AT ALL, which begs the question: why have an "allowed"/"disallowed" supplement list AT ALL? just list your banned substances, and if a player shows up positive for one, you can easily be like, "we don't like supplements at all, not our fault you accidentally ingested a banned substance via a poorly-labeled supplement".

seriously it doesn't make sense to me, the way they do things, esp in light of them claiming ALL supplements are stupid and bad.

forgot about lolz

Joe Nedney is a pimp.

I think this is the first Rick Reilly column I ever learned something from:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?section=magazine&id=3737653&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab2pos1

Q: When can the first-string QB reenter the game if the third-string quarterback is inserted before the fourth quarter?

Correct answer: Never. If the third quarterback is inserted before the fourth quarter, a team's first two quarterbacks cannot be used in the game at any position.

pls explain rule.

Joe Nedney is a pimp. <---- week 15 thread title nominee

Damon Huard, QB, Chiefs: "If the punter touched it, then the game is over."

^^ what?

we don't like supplements at all, not our fault you accidentally ingested a banned substance via a poorly-labeled supplement".

i think this is like the usada position for olympic sports. athlete is strictly liable for shit in her body

begins to explain the chiefs of late xp

OAK @ SD both of these teams blow, it's pretty embarrassing that los angeles doesn't have an nfl team and the allegiances around here are divided between these two franchises. i'm gonna pick oakland.
JAC @ CHI i have a weird feeling about this game. like some bizarre shit is gonna happen. bears.
CLE @ TEN tits
MIN @ DET if detroit was going to win, they would win this game. but they won't.
CIN @ IND colts. btw i actually think that the bengals are the most embarrassing team in the nfl because they actually have some players on offense, the lions got no one other than "dub narcotic" at wr
ATL @ NO matt ryan is dope imo. atl
PHI @ NYG i hate my fantasy team. i have mcnabb and favre. i started mcnabb two weeks ago and favre this past weekend and of course the one who lit it up was the one i benched. giants.
HOU @ GB texans!
MIA @ BUF bills
NE @ SEA it would be awesome if the seahawks won, but it will be the pats
KC @ DEN denver, but who the hell knows really. it'll come down to a punt at the end of the game somehow involving damon huard
NYJ @ SF i'm feeling the niners but i think the jets will bounce back
STL @ ARI something like 55-7 arizona
DAL @ PIT steelers
WAS @ BAL i hate the ravens with a hate usually reserved for teams that aren't the nfl equivalent of the marlins. i think it will be the skins
TB @ CAR gross. bucs

OAK @ SD At this point I am rooting for the higher draft pick. Oakland.
JAC @ CHI Jacksonville is a total mess. That Houston game was an embarrassment. Bears.
CLE @ TEN Ken Dorsey is pretty awesome, but I'll go with the Titans.
MIN @ DET I might pick Detroit were the Williams brothers actually not playing in this game, but I'll go Minny.
CIN @ IND The Colts are practically invisible this year, and yet they're 8-4. Weird season.
ATL @ NO I think New Orleans is going to sneak away with this one.
PHI @ NYG Would the Giants be better or worse if they still had Strahan and Osi? Is it just me, or have they been completely unaffected by the loss of those dudes?
HOU @ GB Green Bay on the tundra.
MIA @ BUF What happened to Buffalo, and what happened to Trent Edwards? Miami.
NE @ SEA I'm going to miss Seattle's head walrus after he retires. NE.
KC @ DEN Denver. Kansas City is garbage.
NYJ @ SF. Jets, come on.
STL @ ARI. For like the tenth time, I will pick STL as the upset winner, and for the tenth time I will be wrong.
DAL @ PIT Dallas in a SHOCKER.
WAS @ BAL Washington needs this one more, I think.
TB @ CAR Carolina I guess.

I had a dream last night where it was thanksgiving again and it was a big family affair and I was going to show up apparently wearing a scary black RAIDERS t-shirt that had obscene lyrics (I don't know what) quoted on the back and this was some kind of big "fuck you deal with it" thing for me, in the dream. None of it made any sense but it cemented my decision to root for Oakland tonight, lol.

ATL @ NO I think New Orleans is going to sneak away with this one.

wouldnt shock me - honestly i would be equally unsurprised if the falcons went 8-8 or 12-4 at this point

BUT MICHAEL PHELPS IS A GREAT PERSON AND LIKES NFL

Annnnnd fuck running plays with :02 left down 14. Peace out y'all.

seriously, listening to these guys on the local postgame show talk about this is completely aggravating. keys to the game: turnovers, and not getting pressure on joe the flacco. ya think?!

also brian mitchell's expert commentary every week is that any explanation whatsoever for anything negative that happened on the field is "making excuses"

Buffalo is a mirage
Buffalo is a mirage
Buffalo is a mirage
Buffalo is a mirage
Buffalo is a mirage
Buffalo is a mirage
Buffalo is a mirage
Buffalo is a mirage
Buffalo is a mirage
Buffalo is a mirage
Buffalo is a mirage

Officer, I Just Shot Seven People (Bo Jackson Overdrive), Sunday, September 14, 2008 8:58 AM

― rogermexico., Sunday, September 14, 2008 4:47 PM (2 months ago) Bookmark

Seriously, suck it Buffalo. You all suck. Thanks for letting us sweep you.

Jets are 0-3 against California teams.

Seriously, suck it Buffalo. You all suck. Thanks for letting us sweep you.

― Eater of Mexicans (Bo Jackson Overdrive), Sunday, December 7, 2008 11:27 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i really don't have anything to say to this, because you were right and the bills are an embarrassment right now, but i have decided that i hate you.

me 2!

hey ally, ban bo jackson overdrive

Can you anyone tell me what Philadelphia has to do to make the playoffs? They are still within winning the Wild Card, right?

User has been successfully banned for 6 days

No sore winners on ILNFL

<3

on the other channel, sf is beating the jets a+

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Sunday, December 7, 2008 4:55 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^^^otm

mordy: i just checked the standings. looks like philly has to win out, and atlanta has to lose at least one game, and we get the second spot. or, the loser of the CAR-TB game tonight has to lose twice more. but philly really really needs to win out.

u boned

no way philly beats the resurgent Browns next Monday night.

so I hate living in New England because I never ever get to see Vikings games

lolling @ bo jackson overdrive situation

also dan 4pm next sunday you will get to see a vikings game, it's the only game on fox.

! YAY

um wait i take it back because new england is on cbs at 4:15 :( i thought it was only pit-bal and den-car on cbs.

okay that was just cruel of you, I am weeping bitter tears of hating the Patriots now

lol boston

vikes were just on nationally last week ya know

also this is sooo OTM:

but i will never be able to get over the fact that brad childress looks like a simpsons caricature of a 7th grade biology teacher

― Bomb Sackantino (J0rdan S.), Sunday, December 7, 2008 9:09 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Last week I hadn't decided to actually try to watch one of their games!

lol i tried to watch it. it was not easy!

last game of season is giants-minnesota over xmas holiday

oh that will be FUN

I'll probably have to watch the Steelers with my father-in-law, though.

CURSE YOU FOOTBALL SEASON

childress looks like this dude: http://blogs.amctv.com/breaking-bad/bryan_cranston_chat_325.JPG

i'm going to be watching it in minnesota which will be a horrible reversal from the forcing-vikings-fan-to-watch-only-giants-games-with-giants-fans situation i've currently held court over D:

dang you may be able to watch yr beloved vikes via (http://atdhe.net) and/or (http://www.myp2pforum.eu/nfl-cfl-afl). dunno, tho -- the no fun league is pretty vigilant about stamping out this stuff

big ups to your father-in-law, btw

steelers fan cut me off in traffic yesterday, but i was feeling too good about romo int (3) to do anything but smile

:\

did anyone else notice this awesome espn stat they flashed earlier in the game - '3rd most carries in the NFL - minimum 100 carries'

fantastic

got kruk working the stats now? / morbs

I thought it said yards per carry, but it could easily have said carries and my brain filled it out and read something less stupid.

did anyone else notice how much jeff garcia looks like jerry jones? is botox on the banned substance list?

this game has actually been pretty good btw

these teams should be allowed on tv more often

i like the panthereses sassy night at the roxbury celebration dance

yeah this is a good game, i don't think i've seen too many of those lately

a+++ dance, you are right

feelin this game

suddenly tampa getting completely run over
plenty of time though. this is good.

i might not watch any more redskins this season to avoid hating nfl again.

did team espn figure out, if they give kornheiser a stack of random stats to announce, he will have less opportunity to say stupid things?

WOW, that catch!

http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp127/deanofsomething/tampa.jpg

http://assets.espn.go.com/photo/2008/1208/nfl_u_williams_stewart_412.jpg